Martin: What are you here for?
Patient: Oh, lately I've been having this overall sluggish feeling. It's hard even getting out of bed in the morning. Not to mention the cold weather. It's really making my joints hurt. And I've started to notice flaking spots on my skin. What about you?
Martin: I have sensitive nipples.

Niles: Dad, this is ludicrous. Why do you keep avoiding the doctor?
Martin: Because I feel fine. I'll go to the doctor when I don't feel fine. Besides, I don't like Dr. Jennings. He's got a model of a colon on his desk, he keeps his tongue depressors in it.

Martin: Did you used to keep your patients waiting like this?
Frasier: Oh, just the compulsives. It was part of their therapy.

Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Yes, I came as soon as I could. I was in the middle of my workout, but, I can always pump iron later.

Frasier: Now we come to the issue of my remains.
Martin: Oh, jeez.
Frasier: I've arranged every detail in this easy-to-read binder.
Martin: Oh, this is taking it too far. Would you look at this? "Burial. Casket. Caterers."
Niles: Who are you using?
Frasier: Michaelson's.
Niles: Oh, they're very good. Excellent.

Frasier: My sincerest condolences. Sorry, I didn't think Mrs. Newman would have company.
Allen: Oh, the family are sitting Shiva.
Frasier: Excuse me?
Allen: You're not Jewish, are you? It's our version of a wake.
Frasier: Oh. Oh, yes. Oh, of course, of course. I didn't realize that Gary was Jewish, you see.
Allen: You're kidding.
Frasier: Uh, well, no. Uh, well, you know, we were pretty close friends, spent a lot of time together- Well, never on Friday nights, of course. But, uh, you know, maybe I should come back another time.

Bobbie: May I help you?
Frasier: Ah. I didn't realize this was a mirror, I thought that maybe you were having an unveiling later.
Bobbie: You're not Jewish, are you?
Frasier: No, no. My, my ex-wife is, though. And, uh, so and thus my son is. Which makes me, ah, sort of- Well, I guess you could say- No, I'm not Jewish.

Bobbie: Did you know Gary well?
Frasier: Well, yes. Yes, yes, I did. Well, of course, there was so much more I wanted to know about the man, you see. Well, oh, I don't know, how was his health before he died?
Bobbie: Excellent. He was never sick.
Frasier: History of heart disease?
Bobbie: Oh, no.
Frasier: High blood pressure?
Bobbie: No.
Frasier: High cholesterol?
Bobbie: No.
Frasier: Do you know what his HDL was in comparison to his LDL?
Bobbie: No.
Frasier: I'm sorry. I'm asking too many questions. You know how doctors are, always looking for the answers to the mysteries of life.

Frasier: I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, I was a friend of your husband's.
Mrs. Newman: Dr. Crane? From-
Frasier: Yes, the radio.

Frasier: Well, all right Dad, fine. If you don't like him, why don't you go to see my doctor, she's one of the finest gastroenterologists in this city.
Martin: She? Oh, whoa, whoa. No, no. No way. If a doctor's gonna have me bend over, I want to look through my legs and see wingtips.