Frasier: Roz, who's our next caller?
Roz: We have Marco on line two. He's having problems with his relationship.
Frasier: Hello, Marco, I'm listening.
Marco: "Well, I started seeing this woman two years ago. I think it was two years. It was around Thanksgiving. Yeah, the leaves were off the trees and-"
Frasier: Close enough. What is your problem?
Marco: "Well, it's not really my problem, it's more like her problem. She keeps pressing me for a commitment."
Frasier: What's holding you back?
Marco: "I don't know. I just- I guess I just want to keep my options open, you know, in case somebody better comes along."
Frasier: "Somebody better comes along." "Somebody better comes along!" Marco, Marco, Marco. Do you hear yourself?
Marco: "No, I turned my radio off after you blasted that other guy."
Frasier: Well, listen, I suggest you give your motives a thorough examination, and if you can't commit, it's best for both of you to break it off.
Marco: "Yeah?"
Frasier: Yeah! Thank you for your call.

Frasier: Well, you know, relationships don't always have to be so hard. I remember back in med school, I heard of a documented case where a man and a woman met, got along, and actually lived happily ever after.

Frasier: Hello. Ah, my producer told me you wanted an autograph. How should I make this out?
Catherine: You disgust me, you parasitic fraud!
Frasier: Well, that's certainly different from the usual "Best Regards."

Frasier: Tell me, listeners, what is it with guys like that? Hey, Roz, you've been around the block a few times. You ever run into a guy like Marco?
Roz: Oh, they're all Marcos. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Marco.
Frasier: Oh, come on. I mean, if that was so, no one would be having a relationship.
Roz: Well, I'm not, my sister's not, none of my friends are. I've seen the future and its name is Marco.

Frasier: What do you think, Seattle? Are there any non-Marcos out there, or is Roz here destined to live a life of hopeless, loveless spinsterhood? Back after this.
Roz: Gee, I just love it when you include me in your show.

Frasier: Well, I can always pray there's a postal strike.

Roz: Hey, before you go, there's a fan in the hall who'd like your autograph.
Frasier: Oh, God, save me from my adoring fans. Oh! But not from the adorable ones.

Niles: Frasier, where are your ethics? You can't date someone who's involved with one of your patients.
Frasier: Marco is not a patient, he's a caller. There's a huge difference. I talked to him days before I met her.
Niles: Rationalization, the last refuge of an unsound argument.
[Both argue at the same time]
Frasier: Oh, Niles, I am not rationalizing. There is nothing wrong here.
Niles: As long as your conscience is clear. I'm not sure mine wouldn't be.
Frasier: Well, frankly, I don't care about your conscience. And I don't need your approval. I don't need you to like it. In fact, I don't need you for anything. Oh, by the way, Niles, my car's in the shop. I need you to give me a ride home tonight.
Niles: No problem.

Catherine: Mmm. That was the most delicious salmon Marseilles I've ever tasted.
Frasier: Well, maybe you should try my "salmon-chanted evening."
Catherine: Oh, no. Tell me you didn't say that.
Frasier: No, it was just the Laffite talking. "Laffite don't fail me now."

Frasier: It's not a bug.
Catherine: Well what is it, then?
Frasier: It's us. Every time we touch and kiss I get queasy.
Catherine: What are you telling me? That the thought of making love to me makes you sick to your stomach?
Frasier: Yes, but don't take it personally!