Martin: Did you straighten things out with Daphne?
Frasier: Yes, I did.
Martin: Boy, that was a close one. I almost blew Niles' secret!
Frasier: In the future, would you try to be more discreet. I can't pull your chestnuts out of the fire every time.

Niles: Good evening, Daphne.
Daphne: Dr. Crane.
Niles: You look different somehow. Have you done something new with your hair?
Daphne: Oh. [Daphne reaches up and removes her party hat]
Niles: That must be it.

Frasier: You know, we keep promising each other that we're not going to do this. We've got to stop spoiling one another.
Roz: Well, what am I supposed to do? Just forget your birthday?
Frasier: Oh. Oh, Good Lord, Roz. You know, I read the most wonderful review of this recently.
Roz: I hope you like it.
Frasier: Oh look, you've inscribed it.
Roz: I did?
Frasier: "You'll always be my baby."
Roz: I must have had a glass of wine when I wrote that.
Frasier: Uh-huh. "Love, Mom."

Niles: Well, there's our bent and broken birthday boy.
Frasier: Hello, Niles.
Niles: I've brought you a little gift. Say hello to sweet salvation - the "Lumbar Log."
Frasier: Thank you, Niles. I think the whole thing is probably stress-related.
Niles: Well, that's very possible. Birthdays can be anxiety-provoking, especially for people of a certain age.
Frasier: I am not "of a certain age", Niles. I am smack dab in the middle of "not a kid anymore." I won't be "of a certain age" for another ten years.

Roz: You know, if your back pain is stress-related, I read a magazine article with an exercise that might help. You just go someplace where nobody can hear you and list all the things that bug you.
Frasier: And in what esteemed medical journal did you find this little tidbit? Cosmo?
Roz: No, Glamour.
Frasier: Oh, that's priceless. "I can't find the right shade of lipstick," "I look terrible in a bikini," "He can't find my G-spot."
Roz: I said do it someplace private.

Frasier: How could this be happening to me? I'm always so conscientious about back safety. Why, just the other day when I needed that large heavy stack of books from down in the storage room, I insisted that Daphne make three trips.

Frasier: Nobody is going to sell me on anything. That sort of exercise only helps people who lack self awareness. I for one am... [painful spasm] God almighty!
Niles: Well, no wonder you're stressed, you've got a whole universe to run.

Frasier: Wait a minute! How did she even see Niles today?
Martin: I don't know, but she said she overheard him saying he loves her and that he wanted to tell her while he still has the chance.
Frasier: Oh, no.
Martin: What?
Frasier: I said that.
Martin: Oh, not you now!
Frasier: No, no, no, Dad. Not that. I was just doing a little exercise to try to help my back and I was talking out loud about how much I was going to miss Daphne. She must have overheard me and misunderstood.
Martin: Who were you talking to?
Frasier: ... If you must know, I was talking to Eddie.
Martin: Helps, doesn't it?
Frasier: Oh, stop it.

Martin: [through radio strapped to Eddie] Rappy Rirfday, Rasier.
Frasier: Why, Eddie, you can talk.
Martin: [through radio strapped to Eddie] I've always been able to talk. I just save it for special occasions like somebody's rirfday.
Frasier: Yes, yes, Eddie. Thank you very much. But listen, I'd like to talk about Dad. I think his mind may be slipping.

Frasier: Oh, well, that's very nice, Dad.
Martin: Oh, and look what I got. A newspaper from the day you were born.
Frasier: I keep telling you to clean out that closet of yours.