Daphne: Hey, sweetie.
Niles: Hey. I was just telling Frasier about your nightly tossing and turning. She's like a tuna on a trawler deck.
Daphne: I told you, I'm gonna need time to adjust to sleeping with someone. Until then you're just going to have to fight me off.
Niles: Oh, I tried. You hurled me to the floor.
Daphne: You've never minded the rough stuff before.
Frasier: Now, that's it. I'm leaving.

Lana: I think... I want Kirby to get a C.
Frasier: What? You said all he had to get was a passing grade!
Lana: Well, that's before you went behind my back. And just for arguing, I want a B!
Frasier: That's crazy!
Lana: Well, keep talking mister, and I'll go for an A!
Frasier: All right, all right, a B it is.
Kirby: [entering] What am I doing again? Oh yeah, I'm washing up. [exits]
Lana: Okay, a B minus.

Frasier: Oh, hi, Roz. Kirby, this is my producer, Roz Doyle. Roz, this is Kirby, my... tutee.
Roz: Well, study hard, but remember, school isn't everything. I wasn't exactly an egghead and look how I turned out.
Frasier: Yes, all right, Roz. I'm just trying to motivate the boy, not scare him straight.

Kirby: She has gotta be pretty distracting around the office, huh?
Frasier: Oh, yes, well, sometimes. But she's union, so you put up with it.
Kirby: No, I mean she's hot.

Martin: [answering the phone] Hello? Oh, hi, Roger. Oh, party? No, hadn't heard about it. Oh, really? Well, yeah I guess we could come down. Sure, okay. Well, uh, be right down. Okay, bye. [hangs up] I knew it. The invite must have got lost in the mail. Well, see you later, boys, it's party time! [Martin rushes out the door, only to return] Forgot the dog.

Frasier: Lana, please. This is all innocent enough. I only did this to motivate the boy.
Lana: By promising him sex?
Roz: You promised him sex?
Kirby's Friend: You're getting sex!
Frasier: I did not promise him sex!

Frasier: Lana, let me explain. I set him up with Roz in exchange for his studying.
Lana: That's disgusting.
Frasier: It's no different than you promising me a date with Claire in exchange for tutoring Kirby.
Claire: Excuse me?
Frasier: Claire.
Claire: You traded me like a commodity?
Lana: Oh, get off your high horse.

Kirby: You tutored me to get to her?
Frasier: Kirby...
Claire: I can't believe you used me, Lana!
Lana: Well, get a little perspective here, my son's here with a prostitute.
Roz: If you call me that one more time, lady...!

Lana: Listen, sister, I'll call you anything I want to...!
Claire: What did you do, dangle me like bait?
Roz: Who's the prostitute now?
Claire:Who the hell are you?
Lana: Sit down!
Kirby: You said you cared about my education, but you're just as big a liar as Richard M. Nixon, our thirty-seventh president!

Frasier: Stop it everybody! Fellow diners, if you will all bear with me for just a moment, please. Kirby, you are going to pass history and you are going to graduate from high school. Roz, you are going to get your Springsteen tickets. Lana, if there is anyone with whom your son could expect to have a thoroughly wholesome, innocent and chaste date, it is Roz Doyle. Claire, the only reason Lana did what she did was out of love for her son. And if I compromised my ethics, it was only because I found myself so... utterly beguiled by you.
Claire: Frasier, you are a strange and charming man.
Frasier: You have no idea.