Frank: I don't get it. You saying no to me? To your father?
Ray: Dad, I'm not saying no. I don't want to go.
Frank: Don't want to go? After the way you hounded me all those years in high school to play?
Ray: When did I hound you to play cards with your friends?
Frank: All right, so we didn't talk much during the high school years. I know, I kind of lost track of you. I'm sorry. Anyway, we got four guys, we need a fifth.
Ray: What? No, I hate those guys. All they did was make fun of me.
Frank: Well, they won't anymore. Your head's a normal size now.

Frank: Nemo, what did you make tonight?
Nemo: Lasagna meatballs.
Frank: You mean lasagna and meatballs?
Nemo: No. Lasagna meatballs. I had to clean out the freezer.
Frank: Health inspector?

Garvin: You want me to talk to him?
Frank: Like you talked to the judge at your divorce trial, Garvin?
Garvin: Hey, I did okay on that settlement.
Frank: You're living at the frigging Y. [Ray enters] Here he is! Here's my boy!
Ray: Here I am.
Garvin: Hey, Ray! [cheers]

Stan: Frank, this skavooch says he would only pick change out of a urinal if it was more than $1 .
Eddie: Hey, some of us have principles.
Stan: Some of us have 87 cents.
Frank: So, Ray, you feel like a winner?
Ray: Not really.
Garvin: Sit down, Ray, over here. By my good ear.
Eddie: Tinnitus.
Garvin: What? [all laugh, then cough]
Ray: Come on, guys. This is how the Ebola virus started.

Stan: Ray, you still doing that sports writing thing?
Ray: Yeah.
Frank: Tell them about all the awards you've won this year.
Garvin: Awards! Wow. Who would have made that bet?
Ray: What?
Stan: Nothing personal but you had the biggest head I'd ever seen on a kid.
Garvin: It was huge.
Eddie: Freakish.
Frank: We used to get calls from the circus.
Ray: All right, are we going to play cards or make fun of me all night?
Garvin: Don't worry, kid, we've got plenty of time for both. [all laugh, then cough]
Ray: Ladies and gentlemen, the Phlegmtones.

Ray: I'll make a bet that's as big as my head.

Frank: Hey, Ray, you're not supposed to win all the money.
Ray: Yeah, well, perhaps I have an unfair advantage. All night I've been able to read the reflection of your cards off your shiny noggins.

Frank: What, are you showing off? This is just like when you were a kid you shoved the cocoa puffs up your nose. I raise you $50.
Ray: I was six then. And they smelled good. I see you $50, and I raise you $50.
Frank: I told you: ''Don't put the cocoa puffs up your nose.'' So what do you do? You shove 25 of them up there.
We got to go to the hospital. I see you and I raise you.
Ray: Well, Dad, whatever you spent at the hospital that night here's your chance to make it all back.
All: Holy crap!

Ray: Hi, honey.
Debra: What's going on? Why are you home so late?
Ray: 'Cause I won a lot of money.
Debra: Oh, that's good.
Ray: Then I lost some.
Debra: How much?
Ray: Oh, go to sleep. Go to sleep.
Debra: Well, how much?
Ray: Not enough to lose sleep over.
Debra: Come on, just tell me.
Ray: Sleep.
Debra: Ray.
Ray: All right, don't sleep, but you're going to be cranky tomorrow.

Ray: Let's forget about this whole thing and get some sleep.
Debra: Just forget about $2,300?
Ray: Okay, you want to beat it into the ground.
Debra: I'm just thankful that you lost it to your father.
Ray: Why?
Debra: Because you can go there and ask for it back.
Ray: I can't do that.
Debra: Why?
Ray: I'm not a child!
Debra: No, you're a mature adult who lost $2,300 because his daddy told him not to.
Ray: All right, I am a child. But if I go back and ask for the money back, then I'm a baby. I don't want to be a baby. [eats ice cream]