‘What Good Are You?’
Season 5, Episode 12 - Aired January 8, 2001
Ray wonders whether people see him as useful after he fails to help Debra as she chokes on some food.
Quote from Robert
Andy: Don't listen to them, Raymond! You are not useless. Guys like us don't have to get caught up in stereotypical gender roles where the man has to take care of the woman.
Ray: Yeah, okay. Thank you, Andy, but you're really not helping me with the me-to-you comparison, okay? I don't want to be taken care of. [Robert laughs] What are you laughing at?
Robert: I'm just noting the irony in your statement in the light of the fact that you live across the street from your mother.
Ray: What are you talking about?! You lived there for 35 years!
Robert: Lived! Lived! Past tense! I'm now miles away from them. 1.38 miles.
Ray: Yeah, yeah. You're the person I should be taking advice from.
Robert: Look, we're just trying to help you out here, but you got to bring something to the table. Now Andy, he's cute and squishable. Gianni is hairy and scary. And I happen to be the perfect amalgam. You heard me, amalgam.
Quote from Robert
Ray: Yeah, okay, look. I don't have to defend myself to you idiots! I'm not the perfect man, but I I'm pretty sure I'm the only one sitting here who has a woman!
Gianni: For now. [flashes chest hair]
Ray: Oh, right. A-ha! Very funny, "Cousin ltt." Debra happens to like the fact that I have just the right amount of hair in just the right amount of places.
Robert: Oh, I'm sure that was a comforting last thought before she blacked out. "Raymond's body's so smooth. Like a hairless cat. [coughs]"
Quote from Ray
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Just taking care of a few things. I checked the smoke detectors. I changed a light bulb. Squashed a bug. Uh, yeah, made a crackling noise. Didn't bother me. What else? Any bags left in the car?
Debra: Huh-uh.
Ray: Hey, how's the car driving? You want me to pop the hood and check under the, uh, thing?
Debra: No, the car is really fine. Where's the ketchup? Oh, come on! I know I bought ketchup. I bet they didn't put it in the bag.
Ray: Those sons of bitches. I'm going to go down there!
Debra: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, found it.
Ray: You got it? All right. Cause I'd go down there and come back with two ketchups.