Debra: Would you stop calling it the incident? It wasn't an incident! The Cuban Missile Crisis was an incident. My God, if you are this insane about not walking a girl to the door, how do you feel about what you do to me?
Ray: What I do to you?
Debra: You do jerky things all the time. Things you should really regret.
Ray: Oh, yeah, like what?
Debra: Where do you want me to start?
Robert: At the beginning. Take your time.
Debra: How about not walking me to the car when I was in labor with the twins, Ray? How about that incident?
Ray: I had to make a sandwich, I hate hospital food.

Debra: I want something specific. Something like when you didn't walk me to the car when I was in labor.
Ray: Okay. Okay, can I use that one?
Debra: No.
Ray: I did it more than once.
Debra: No!

Ray: Okay, all right, regret, regret. Okay, when we were first married we went to a party at my editor's house. And you didn't know anybody and you were kind of nervous, and later at dinner you told a story that you thought was gonna be funny but it nobody laughed.
Debra: So you regret that I'm a stiff at parties? Thanks, feeling better.
Ray: No, no, listen. They didn't laugh, but neither did I. I saw that you were embarrassed and I should have been there for you and I wasn't. Yeah, I've always regretted that.
Debra: Wow. That must have been a long time ago. Such a small thing.
Ray: Yeah, well, tell that to my conscience. I'd ask you what you regret, but I'd be afraid you'd say you regret marrying me.
Debra: Oh, not all the time.

Robert: Ma, are you saying that you have no regrets about me?
Marie: Please, Robert, not everything is about you.
Robert: Nothing is about me! Nothing! Let me tell you something. I got regrets. Oh, boy, do I got regrets.
Marie: Come on, Robby, you're bringing everybody down.
Robert: Everybody else got to go, I'm going! Let's see, regrets. Hmm, quite a menu. Where shall I start?
Ray: How about that haircut?

Debra: You know what'd make me happy? If you recognized your regret before you did it!
Ray: Time travel, huh? You're talking about time travel.

Elizabeth: Oh, hi, Raymond.
Ray: I just found something out. You didn't want me to walk you to the door, did you? You weren't acting weird because you liked me, you were acting weird because you were going out with mama's little mutant! I felt bad about what I did to you for 25 years for no reason. You weren't the pathetic loser. I was the pathetic loser!
Man: [to Elizabeth] That's the shmuck who didn't walk you to the door?