Ray: Is this for Lee and Stan's anniversary party?
Marie: Their forty-fifth. They're our dearest friends, but I have to tell you, I never thought they'd last this long.

Marie: We're practically related. You lived at their house!
Ray: What?
Marie: When your father and I went to Atlantic City.
Marie: That was a weekend.
Ray: It was a long weekend.
Frank: You said it.

Marie: Raymond, you'll be wonderful.
Ray: Ma, I spend all day trying to write my column. I don't have time to come up with an anniversary speech.
Marie: It's not a speech. It was a speech when your father was doing it, 'cause that's all he could handle. But you you can do anything!
Ray: Not anything. In fact, nothing.
Robert: Maybe you could do like an interpretive dance or something.
Ray: You could do a thing where you shut it!

Debra: Ray, whatever you do, try to mention my name is Debra. Lee keeps calling me Donna.
Ray: Are you helping me?
Marie: This has to be special, 'cause it's the evening's entertainment. So I want you to feel free to get creative.
Ray: I'd like to feel free to not do this! I'm not good at this stuff!
Marie: Oh. You're a witty and charming boy. Why don't you do a funny poem?
Ray: A poem? No! No way, no!
Marie: You don't want to disappoint everyone, Raymond.
Frank: Yeah! You can't help out?

Robert: No, no, look. Really. Let me tell you something, Ray, this stuff is not funny.
Ray: What? You were just laughing.
Robert: Yeah, but that was behind their backs this would be in front of their faces with all their friends watching.
Debra: Yeah, see, that's right, their friends, so everybody would know we were just kidding around.
Robert: No. I'm telling you, you shouldn't do this. It would just humiliate them, and your children will be watching!
Ray: The kids are gonna be at a sleep-over, and Mom and Dad are unhumiliatable.

Frank: I didn't like it! Too much Lee and Stan!
Garvin: That was wonderful! I liked when you called him "Bald and Gassy."
Max: I knew him when he was just gassy.
Frank: Look who's talking!

Marie: Thanks for coming, Garvin.
Garvin: Great party! First-class entertainment. Hey, Ray, Debra. [cheers]
Ray: Thank you, Garvin, thank you.
Garvin: Robert, I want to see you in there next time. You could be like a a big Indian! Or a a big, funny, galumphy waiter. Bye!
Debra: Bye.
Robert: Never liked that guy.

Robert: Hey, Dad, do how he has no ass!

Ray: I'm sorry, but that is messed up! I mean, that is just not funny!
Debra: Why would they do that?
Ray: Why? Because they have no class. No class!

Marie: Raymond, you left without saying good-bye to Lee and Stan that was rude.
Frank: Yeah, where are your manners?
Ray: Me, manners? You, manners! [to Robert] You were right, man. They have no sense of humor.
Robert: I think they're the feel-good hit of the season!
Marie: What are you talking about, Raymond?
Ray: Oh, come on, Ma. You didn't like our skit, so you went out of your way to embarrass us.
Marie: We loved your skit. Didn't we, Frank?
Frank: Yeah, for those five minutes, I didn't mind everybody drinkin' my booze.