Debra: Okay, everybody, who wants a pizza bagel?
Judy: All right, pizza bagels!
Marie: And I made prosciutto e melone.
Judy: All right, prosciutto e melone!
Debra: Marie, I told you I was taking care of the food.
Marie: I know, dear. Oh, save room, everyone. I also have insalata caprese.
Judy: Oh, insalata caprese! [to Debra] Sorry.

Amy: Hey, Mom. So you're having a good time, huh?
Pat: Oh, yes. It's a wonderful shower. It looks like the wedding is really going forward.
Amy: Yes, Mom, it is.
Pat: Good. [rubs her head and walks away]

Debra: [on the phone] Ray, where are you? Pick up. Ray? Okay, I think I had a little too much to drink because of your mother. And Amy's driving her mom back to Pennsylvania, so you gotta come and get me. So as soon as you pick up this message, call me on my "phell sone" cell phone. Shut up.
[Some time later, after Debra falls asleep, a police officer knocks on the car window:]
Debra: Huh?
Police Officer: Are you all right, ma'am?
Debra: Oh, yeah, everything's fine. I just had a little too much to drink.

Ray: [wakes up] Deb, phone. [answers phone] Hello? Hey, Deb. Wait. Wait. Where are you? Jail?! You are not. Seriously, where are you? Oh my God! Well, what'd you do? Okay, all right, okay, all right, I'll be right there. Wait wait, Deb. I couldn't find my brown belt today. Do you know where it is?
Debra: [shouts over the phone] Ray, just get down here!
Ray: All right, I'm coming.

Debra: Oh, thank God you're here!
Ray: Are you okay?
Debra: Yeah, I guess so.
Ray: So... how was Amy's shower?
Debra: Just get me out of here.

Debra: Just get me out of here.
Ray: All right. Relax, I'll take care of it. Oh, and, Debra, I want you to know that while you were in here, I never thought of anyone else.

Robert: Deb- Oh! Hello, everybody. I was just in the neighborhood, saw the lights on, thought I'd come by and say hi-dee-ho. Hi-dee-ho, everybody. By the way, Debra, everything is copacetic vis-a-vis the situation we discussed earlier.
Frank: Yeah, you're real smooth. We all know she was in the slammer.
Robert: Ma knows?
Ray: Yeah, but she took it well.

Robert: Hey, look, don't worry, Deb. I spoke with the arresting officer. Because of the circumstances, he's not going to pursue the criminal charges.
Debra: Oh, Robert, that's great. Thank you.
Marie: Wait a minute, Robert. They're dropping the charges? Is that wise? I mean, how else is she gonna learn?
Robert: Well, we're not out of the woods yet. She still has to go to the hearing at the DMV.
Ray: What's that about?
Robert: To determine when she gets her license back.
Debra: Back? You mean I don't have a license?
Marie: Of course not!
Ray: Ma!

Marie: We're here. We're here. Did it start yet?
Debra: Marie, what are you doing here?
Marie: I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Robert: Mom, Dad, sit in the back row.
Marie: But I'm the mother-in-law.
Robert: It's not a wedding, Ma. Back here.

Police Officer: You're getting married in May, aren't you, Barone?
Robert: Uh, yeah, I know. I know, Keon. See, I was gonna invite you, but if I invite you, then I have to invite everyone in the K-9 unit. And then what am I gonna do with the bomb squad?
Police Officer: It's all right, man. I'm just busting your chops. [both laugh]