Marie: What was the truck in front of the house with the dancing little bugs on top?
Debra: We've got termites.
Marie: Oh my God! Oh, oh, dear! I told you, dear, you have to keep up with your housekeeping.

Debra: Oh, look, it's the Raymond Barone living memorial.
Ray: Yeah.
Debra: So what happens? Every 45 minutes an actor dressed as you comes in and recreates scenes from your life, huh? Yeah. [as Ray] "Oh no, where is my retainer? Oh!" "Hey, what's that? A pimple?" "You know all the other guys have hair down here."
Ray: Yeah, that's it. That's the whole show. Except for the finale where you stare at the Farrah Fawcett poster and... lock the door.

Debra: Ray, can't you see? I'm just trying to make a point here. Listen, you could help me. It could be fun. Come on, we never do anything together anymore.
Ray: You are sick.
Debra: If I am sick, it's because your family made me that way.

Ray: We're just helping.
Debra: Yeah, I mean you seem to have so much to do. We just wanted to pitch in.
Ray: Why, is this annoying to you?
Debra: Is it bothering you?
Ray: Are we intrusive?
Debra: Because we don't mean to be. We're just trying to help you the way you help us.
Marie: Oh, I see what they're doing. Are you trying to repay us for everything we do for you?
Ray: Well...
Marie: But you see, dear, when we help you, we're actually helping.
Debra: ... What?
Marie: Don't worry. No, no, I'm not mad. I can't be mad at you if you don't know what you're doing.

Robert: You know what, Mom? Maybe you haven't spent enough time showing them how to do things.
Ray: Hey, Robert.
Robert: No, no, I say when that tent comes down Ma's over there showing you how to do the laundry.
Ray: Why don't you go complete the outfit and put on the toilet seat cover?
Robert: And maybe Dad could teach Ray how to fix stuff.
Frank: That's true. You don't know a monkey wrench from a monkey's ass, do you, son?
Ray: No.
Ally: [runs in] Hey, they're taking the tent off.
Marie: Oh, we can start right now. I'll go get my cleaning supplies. And we'll make you a starter kit.
Frank: I'll get some tools, hammerhead.
Robert: Hey, Ray! [reveals his nipple and makes a kissing gesture]

Frank: [opens fridge and pulls the door off] Ah! Holy crapping crap! What the hell happened here?
Ray: Oh, I wanted to tell you. I tried to fix it. It was too loose.
Frank: It was never this friggin' loose.
Ray: I'm sorry, Dad, I was just trying to help.
Frank: You want to help me? Find my remote.

Debra: I'm intruding?! But her coming over to my house every day with food and rewashing the kids clothes and your father fixing things until they're broken, that's not intruding?
Ray: All right, it's one more day.
Debra: No, I really love this.
Ray: Just play along. One more, that's all.
Debra: Boy.
Ray: What? What?
Debra: You know what? She thinks reading is intrusive. [chuckles]

Marie: What are you doing?
Ray: We just- We're having a little snack, corn dog.
Marie: Corn dog?! I am making dinner. You should know not to eat- [Robert enters with two corn dogs] Those are hot, aren't they? What's the matter with you people? I have lasagna in the oven.
Debra: Oh my God. I'm sorry, Marie. Was that for dinner? I took it out to make the corn dogs. You want a corn dog?
Marie: No, thank you, dear.
Frank: I still want mine.

Marie: I don't understand why you would use bleach on these towels.
Debra: Marie, they just seemed a little yellowy.
Marie: Yes, they're yellow towels. My whole bathroom is yellow. It's my theme.
Debra: Oh.

Marie: Children, come on, off the floor right now. Come on, come on, you're all coming to stay with Grandma.
Debra: No, no, we have a hotel we're gonna stay at while they tent the house.
Marie: A hotel? Those places are even dirtier than here. No, no, you're just gonna come across the street and stay with us, period. I'll put out some more towels.
Ray: Well, it would be cheaper.
Debra: Financially.
Marie: How could you even think of going to a hotel?
Debra: Don't you think you ought to check this out with Frank?
Marie: Why?