Robert: All right, here we go. The Honeymoon Suite. Got the closet right over here. Toilet down the hall. Light switch.
Ray: Okay, got it. Thank you. [Robert stands there] I'm not tipping you, Robert.
Robert: No, no, I just can't believe you're back.
Debra: Don't worry, Robert, it's just for a couple of days.
Robert: Yeah, that's what I said. I'm sure you'll have a marvelous time. Mom is going all out now that [as Marie] "Raymond has come home."
Ray: All right, thank you.
Robert: All right, by the way, there's a few rules: I take my showers at 6:35 in the A.M. Please refrain from any and all flushing. Despite what Dad thinks, it is not funny. Enjoy your stay. [exits]
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Setting my alarm for 6:35.

Debra: It's so peaceful here. And I'll say this. It's much smaller than a hotel room would have been.
Ray: Come on, in a hotel room, you- You couldn't get the complete set of the "Book of Knowledge." Hey, let's look up "reproductive organs." That's all I had. Until Farrah.

Marie: I can't stand it. I can't live here this way.
Frank: [excited] You're leaving?
Marie: Hey, you're eating the brownies. They're for--
Robert: I know, everything's for our very special guest, Raymond. Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond.

Marie: I'm trying to watch my French class in there and it's very difficult. Très difficile.
Ray: Oh, Ma, don't French, okay? Why? What's the matter?
Marie: Well, Debra's in there reading.
Ray: What, out loud?
Marie: No, but I just don't feel free to participate. It's very intrusive.
Ray: What?!
Frank: Yeah, and one of your kids is clopping around in my shoes. Some people find that cute. I hate that.
Robert: Yeah, and Ray, who flushed this morning while I was conditioning? [off Ray's look] "J'accuse!"
Marie: That's good, Robby, good. He's accusing you.
Ray: I'm ignoring him.

Ray: Hey, could you go read in the other room?
Debra: Why?
Ray: My mom's trying to be French in here and you're... "intruding".
Debra: What?!
Ray: I don't know, you're in the way. Look at you.
Debra: Wait, let me get this straight, sitting quietly on the sofa reading to myself is intruding?
Ray: You know how the French are.

Debra: Ally, here's your corn dog, honey.
Robert: Ally's having a corn dog now?
Debra: Yeah, I made enough for everybody. You want one?
Robert: But it's almost dinner and Mom's making lasagna.
Debra: Hmm.
Robert: You shouldn't be ha-having corn dogs now.
Frank: Get one for me too.

Ray: Hey, what is this?
Debra: Oh, gosh! I guess that's your dad's remote. [Ray gasps] I must have accidentally brought it upstairs with me. [smiles]
Ray: This was no accident.
Frank: [o.s.] Somebody help me.

Ray: Geoffrey, get up, Geoffrey!
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: I can't be the one who brings this to me. He'll kill me, okay? He likes Geoffrey. Geoffrey!
Debra: Shh, will you stop? Just stop there, stop. Go back to sleep.
Ray: Listen you're going too far with this.
Debra: This?! This is nothing compared to what they--
Ray: Oh, come on, when they come over and do stuff it's 'cause they don't know any better. You do. You know what's that called when you know better and you still do it? ... Not nice.

Ray: Hey, could you put a shirt on? And some underpants.
Robert: Excuse me, I believe this is my bed.
Ray: All right, but, come on, a guy gets in bed with you, you put some pants on.
Robert: I will not. You don't want to sleep with me, go back to your wife.
Ray: I'm- I'm not gonna be able to sleep... ever!
Robert: So everybody has to do what Raymond wants, right? New sheets for Raymond. Brownies for Raymond. Can't sleep naked around Raymond. You know what you are? Intrusive.
Ray: What? You're calling me that? You're calling me that? You're calling me that?!
Robert: Intrusive, you! Intrusive!
Ray: You know what? Debra was right. Think this is intrusive? [chuckles] Okay.

Frank: Hey, they're touching my stuff.
Ray: Who?
Frank: Your kids. The two boys and the other one. I had a whole stack of quarters, now it's a pile. [exits]
Ray: He keeps his quarters stacked up on a dresser.
Frank: [o.s.] I don't like anyone touching them, you know that.
Ray: I know.
Frank: You bet you do.
Ray: I know that I do.
Frank: And don't you forget it.
Ray: I know, Dad, I won't.