Marie: All right, both of you, stop it. Raymond, you have to get two more tickets.
Ray: I can't do that, Ma.
Marie: Well, just call up someone. You want me to call?
Ray: Ma, there's nobody to... You can't...
Marie: What's the number of the Super Bowl?
Ray: That's now how it works, Ma.

Ray: Okay, listen, you know what? I don't have a ticket for either of you. I'm sorry. I told Gianni I was gonna take him, and I'm gonna take him.
Robert: Well, that's the way it should be, I guess. You take Gianni, Raymond. Have a grand time. Hey, why don't you get one of those big "number one" foam fingers and wave it in the air? 'Cause you're number one, Raymond. You're number one! But remember this... "One is the loneliest number you'll ever do."

Frank: All right, now that he's gone, give me my ticket.
Ray: Dad, I told you I don't have one.
Frank: Fine, fine. Do what you want. Let me tell you this I know what it's gonna say on my tombstone. "My son went to the Super Bowl, and now I'm dead."

Ray: No, don't, don't, Ma. Don't do it.
Marie: What?
Ray: Don't try to get me to change my mind, okay? I see you're firing up all the pistons in your little guilt machine.
Marie: I don't have a guilt machine, Raymond. All I have is the hope that our family could be happy. [exits]
Debra: There's a lot of miles on that machine, but it runs like new.

Debra: Oh, Ray, it's beautiful. Thank you for calling me.
Ray: Well, I mean, it was weird without you here. So my mom had no problem taking the kids?
Debra: No. How lucky are we that she lives across the street?
Ray: Whoa, whoa. What, were you drinking on the plane?
Debra: A little bit.

Frank: Hey, Gianni, you going to the kitchen?
Gianni: I'm watching the game.
Frank: You're not thirsty? You look like you're thirsty.
Robert: You look hungry, too.
Gianni: What do I want?
Frank: Pretzels and ginger ale.
Robert: And macaroni and cheese.
Gianni: Man, are they annoying.
Debra: At least you get to go home.

Ray: Whoo-whoo-whoo! [to Gianni] Yeah, yeah, get a good look at this face, sucka, 'cause it's the last time it'll be the face of a man who's never been to the greatest place a man could go.
Gianni: Wherever it is, I hope they have mouthwash.
Ray: Oh, gee, I don't know. Do they have mouthwash at the Super Bowl?
Gianni: What?
Ray: Yeah, damn right, "What?" The paper's sending me to Tampa to cover the Friday press conference, and then I get to hang out and go to the game on Sunday. Whoo-whoo-whoo!
Marie: Oh, congratulations, Raymond.
Ray: Thank you.
Gianni: You lucky freak of a moron.
Ray: Hey, come on, I don't know if it's wise to insult a man who has an extra ticket.
Gianni: If you're jacking me around, I'm gonna rip your arm off at the elbow.
Ray: No jack, dude. You and me leaving tomorrow, Super Bowl.

Ray: They still looking at me?
Debra: Oh, yeah.
Ray: You know what? I'm just gonna stand here and wait 'em out.

Ray: Still there?
Debra: Yep.
Ray: Would you mind distracting them with some nudity?

Ray: All right, listen-
Frank: What's this about Super Bowl tickets?
Ray: Oh, boy.
Robert: You got an extra ticket to the Super Bowl, and you're taking Gianni?
Frank: That ticket should be mine, and you know it.
Ray: All right, look. First of all, put the fork down, Dad.
Frank: I'll put the fork down when there's a ticket on it.