Robert: Hey, good news, Raymond. They had the meat lover's pizza special today. You order one meat lover's, you get another free meat lover's.
Ray: After breaking up with Amy, I know you swore off women, but I don't think turning to meat is the answer.
Robert: Ha ha, very funny, that's a good one. I got side salads, and wings too, all for the big game, huh, Ray? So fire up the satellite, because the food's gonna be here any minute.
Ray: Oh, man, Robert, I completely forgot about this. Me and Andy, we gotta go to work.
Robert: What, on a Saturday?
Ray: Yeah, Saturday! Tell me about it. We lost our columns in the computer. Apparently, some janitor, he spilled coffee on the motherboard.

Ray: What happened, were you shot?
Robert: No.
Frank: Switchblade?
Robert: No.
Marie: Who did this? Tell me who did this to you.
Ray: What are you gonna do, Ma?
Marie: You'd be surprised.

Marie: Your job is so dangerous. They should have prepared you better.
Ray: Yeah, they should have started you out as one of those clowns in the barrel.
Sergeant Judy: You know what? Enough already! This is a serious injury, and I don't see you taking a bull for your partner.

Ray: What, what, what?
Debra: Do you realize, in a group that includes your father, you're being the most insensitive?
Ray: Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with Dad, he must be tired. [chuckles] Come on. He's okay! Laughter is the best medicine, right? I'm keeping it loose, I'm keeping it light.
Debra: How about keeping it shut?
Ray: See? You're funny. You should get in there with me.
Nurse: If you're going to sustain a puncture wound, the best place is actually a fleshy area, like the rump. [Ray chuckles]

Ray: Hey, Robert! How are you doing?
Robert: I'm doing great, Raymond. I was just showing her a magic trick.
Ray: Well, you look great. And hey, guess what. From your past, a special special lady.
Robert: Oh God!
Ray: Come on.
Amy: Hi, Robert.
Robert: Amy, hi.
Nurse: You know what? I'm gonna get you a bigger seepage pad.
Robert: Thank you!

Amy: Robert, I heard about what happened.
Robert: Yeah, it's nice to see you again, Amy.
Amy: You too.
Nurse: I'll be back later. Don't forget to fill out your menu. Remember, you're on a soft diet.
Ray: Correct me if I'm wrong, sounds to me like someone can have all the soup he wants, huh? There's nothing in the world like soup. Well, stew, stew is like soup.

Robert: So, you're looking well.
Amy: I read about you in the paper. You're famous.
Robert: Great.
Ray: Look at this, Amy. The animal rights people sent Robert a thank you for the humane way that he stopped the bull.
Robert: All right, Raymond.

Ray: All right, look, I gotta tell you something. When you took the extra shift because I didn't watch the ballgame with you, I know that you thought I had to go to work, but see, I kind of forgot that we had plans, and I didn't want to hurt your feelings, so I told you I had to work, but really, I went with Andy to drive go-carts.
Robert: Why are you telling me this?
Ray: What do you mean? I feel bad, I wanted you to know.
Robert: You want me to know that?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah, and to give you this "Get Well Soon" card. See? The monkey slipped on the banana. I got it 'cause Iooks like he hurt his upper thigh.

Robert: So you want to make me feel better?
Ray: Of course I do. What do you think?
Robert: I think you wanna make you feel better.
Ray: What?
Robert: All this, Ray, your little telethon here; the balloons and the guest stars. This is because you feel guilty. And then by telling me that you dumped me so you could sit in a bumper car with Andy, how is that supposed to make me feel better?
Ray: Go-cart.
Robert: Well, as long as you feel better. Good night, Raymond.
Ray: All right, listen-
Robert: I said good night.
Ray: I don't I don't feel- [Robert lifts the blanket above his head] Come on, Robert. Robert, come on. Robert, you can't do this here. You're gonna end up in the basement with a tag on your toe.

Ray: Hey, Robert. You busy?
Robert: What do you want?
Ray: Eh, just to hang out. Ah, my old room. Well, I'm glad someone else can enjoy it. Hey, you got the stereo, VCR. You've got a nice setup here. Hey, walkie-talkie. [over the radio] What's the ETA on that apple juice?
Marie: [over the radio] Apple juice coming up.