Marie: Oh, I couldn't wish for a nicer daughter-in-law.
Frank: Let's celebrate with some lasagna.
Amy: Wait, wait, wait, wait! We're not getting married.
Marie: Of course, you're getting married. Don't be silly. That makes everything all right.
Amy: Robert, six months ago when I asked about our future you freaked out and we broke up. Now you're ready to get married just because you're afraid of what your mother thinks?
Marie: Sometimes a mother knows best, dear.
Amy: Sometimes a mother should just butt out!
Frank: Hey, Robert, you've got to marry this one. [chuckles]

Marie: I will not be talked to that way.
Amy: Look, sorry. I've had a very rough couple of days here. I wait my whole life for the right time and the right man to be my first, and now an entire building has a petition against me. And then the second time I'm with my first, his mother walks in on us. And now you're ready to get married just to make her happy? What is this hold she has on you?
Ray: [to Debra] See, it's not just me.
Amy: I can't even cry, because if I dab my eyes, my pants will fall down. So excuse me, Marie, for not being polite. And by the way, sometimes the noodles in your lasagna are overcooked. [storms out; all gasp]
Marie: Clearly, that is not the girl for you. You understand, Robby? Robby? Robby! [Robert leaves] Where is he going?
Frank: Maybe his wallet is in those pants.

Marie: You are out of control, young man.
Robert: No I'm not, Ma.
Frank: Hard to make that argument without pants.
Marie: He gets that from you. you with your dirty magazines.
Frank: One "Playboy." For 29 years?
Marie: I mean, who keeps pornography for 29 years?
Frank: Anyone married to you.

Robert: Hey, Ray, I hope you don't mind I switched with one of your pillows. You know, because down gives me nightmares.
Ray: Of geese?
Robert: A goose will run right after you.

Amy: Marie, I can understand why you'd be so upset.
Marie: I thought you were saving yourself.
Amy: I was. I did.
Marie: Oh, Amy! Amy. I thought I knew you. But you had us all fooled, didn't you? I mean, it wasn't like Debra where we knew what we were getting.
Debra: Excuse me?

Amy: Robert, I want you to know that even though we were speeding, there was never any... moving violation.
Robert: But speeding is-- Oh! Moving violation, right. So you still haven't--
Amy: No. Every time I date some other guy, I keep thinking of you.
Robert: Yeah, me too. I mean... You know what I mean.
Amy: Robert, you know, I knew that was your speed trap. I told him to drive faster. I wanted to see you.
Robert: You didn't need him. You could have driven yourself. I would have pulled you over so fast.
Amy: I've already got eight points. I didn't want to lose my license.
Robert: Pretty girl like you, would have let you off with a warning. [they kiss] Where are we going?
Amy: The bedroom.
Robert: But wait, we've never... And you've never ever... Are you sure?
Amy: I'm sure.
Robert: Really?
Amy: Robert, I've driven around long enough.

Ray: Are you nuts?
Debra: What? It's just for a few days.
Ray: That's what he told Mom when he got divorced and he stayed for four years.
Debra: It'll be fine, Ray.
Ray: Come on, he's gonna be all sitting on the couch and watching television...
Debra: And that's really your special job, isn't it, Ray?
Ray: You don't know. Just wait till his shoes come off.
Debra: Oh, his feet are fine.
Ray: Yeah, fine. If you're trying to jump-start a vomit.

Robert: We thought everyone was asleep. Debra invited me.
Marie: Debra?
Debra: Yes, I mean, I said he could stay here. Look, they are two consenting adults and that's what adults do.
Ray: The lucky adults.
Frank: [enters] Marie, why did you take the lasagna? Holy crap! Go ahead, I'll catch up.
Marie: Is this something you do? You come to Raymond's to... to have relations?
Frank: Okay, I'm caught up. [laughs]

Marie: I'm sorry I baked you a lasagna.
Robert: How did you know I was here?
Frank: Ray squealed.
Robert: Raymond!
Ray: Come on, Ma, you were supposed to make it look casual.
Marie: Lasagna is casual. It's not like I made steak pizzaiolla.

Robert: I just got off duty. I kind of need to talk.
Debra: What's the matter, Robert?
Robert: Well, I made this traffic stop that's kind of bothering me. Amy was in the car.
Ray: Oh, Amy the virgin?
Debra: Oh, Ray!
Ray: What, that's what she is, right?
Robert: Well, I'm not so sure anymore. She was in the car with a guy. They were all dressed up. This was a date.
Debra: Well, Robert, you two did break up.
Ray: Yeah and you've been going on a few dates yourself, Mr. Lucky Pants.