Debra: I know she's been seeing some people, but I don't know who-
Robert: James P. Kitsos of Queens, 5' 10", 165 pounds, hair brown, eyes green, not an organ donor. Selfish bastard!

Debra: You know, Robert, it sounds like you miss Amy. Why don't you just give her a call?
Robert: You think she wants me to call her?
Debra: Well, do you want to call her?
Robert: You think she still likes me?
Debra: Do you still like her?
Ray: Oh, my God! Why don't you wait till your acne clears up and give her a ride on your skateboard?

Robert: You know he's not an organ donor?
Amy: We only went out a couple of times.
Robert: Look, it's none of my business. You know his mother owns that car.

Amy: No, stay, finish your breakfast.
Robert: No, the least I can do is walk you to the elevator and push the up button for you.
Amy: You mean down.
Robert: No, no, I mean up. 'Cause that's the direction all angels go.
Amy: Maybe you should push down, 'cause you're a devil.

Man: Oh, enough already.
Robert: Excuse me, can I help you?
Man #1: You want to help me? Close your bedroom curtains. [walks away]
Amy: Oh my God, do you think he saw? [young woman giggles]
Man #2: Hey, you know, you really disrupted our Bible study last night.
Robert: Sorry.
Man #2: We prayed for you.
Amy: I'm using the stairs. I'll call you.
Robert: Okay, okay, drive safely.
Woman: Hey, saw the show last night. [laughs]
Man #3: We're in 9J, if you want to give us a ring.

Robert: Hey, Deb.
Debra: [embarrassed] Hi, Robert.
Robert: You talked to Amy. Did you tell anyone else?
Debra: No, no, I swear I didn't tell anyone.
Ray: Hey-hey, Robert! Oh, whoo-ee, whoo-ee, whoo!
Robert: You know too? Deb, you said you didn't tell anyone.
Ray: She has to tell me, are you kidding? That's a rule of marriage. A spouse automatically has the right to know that you deflowered a woman in front of your entire apartment building.

Robert: I haven't been home. It's too embarrassing. And hey, look at this. These are up all over the building.
Ray: "Were you offended by the display?" [Debra gasps]
Robert: It's a petition to make bedroom curtains mandatory. I can't go back there.
Debra: Oh, you know what? You can stay here for a few nights.
Ray: What?
Debra: Yeah, just until things calm down.
Ray: Hey, you could stay at Mom's. Great food over there. [off Debra's look] Here too, good food here.

Ray: What the hell is going on?
Robert: Wait, Ma! Ma!
Marie: Oh, oh, oh. Why, Robby, why? How could you? In Raymond's basement?
Amy: Marie, it's not what you think.
Ray: [to Robert] Man, you just can't stop, can you?

Robert: I just wanted a little privacy.
Ray: Maybe you should have thought of that before you and Amy did a puppet-show in front of your whole building.
Marie: What?!
Robert: What are you doing to me?

Amy: I can't believe this.
Robert: Amy, look, it's okay. You don't understand, Ma. Amy wasn't trying to fool anyone. She cares about me. She listens. She doesn't laugh at me when I eat. In fact, she's the most wonderful woman I've ever met. What I'm trying to say is, Amy and I are in love.
Marie: Oh my God! You're getting married?
Robert: Uh... [pained] Yup.