Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Hmm? Nothing.
Debra: What's with your hand?
Ray: No. I just made a little puppet. "Pass the orange juice, toots!" Hey, come on, that's not nice. "Why? I'm thirsty. I'm just thirsty." All right, listen I want you to prepare yourself 'cause you're about to get very mad at Robert.
Debra: What is it? Where's your wedding ring?
Debra: Robert.
Ray: Robert's wearing your wedding ring?
Ray: No, no, what happened was, I had it on the table in the hotel room-
Debra: Were you spinning it again?
Ray: No! No! Robert was spinning it.

Debra: Oh, it was nothing, huh? I am stuck here alone with the kids for three days while you're out there without your wedding ring at airports talking to girls!
Ray: For your information, that woman asked me to have a drink, and the first thing I said was, "Sorry, I'm married! Maybe if I wasn't married, but I can't. I am married!"
Debra: You said, "If I wasn't married"?
Ray: Of course. I didn't want to be a jerk.
Debra: Good job.
Ray: Come back. I said whatever I could to get rid of her. She was all over me! And just so you know, I kept my hand in my pocket the whole flight home so people would stop hitting on me.

Marie: Your father told me you met someone at the airport?
Ray: I didn't meet someone.
Marie: What was she like?
Ray: Ma, I'm not looking to replace Debra.
Marie: When did I say that? Did I say that? It's just that- It's nice to know that other women still find my boy as attractive as I do, that's all.
Ray: All right, okay. All right, Ma.
Marie: Maybe now Debra will start to appreciate what she has. Maybe wear a little mascara now and then.

Frank: Hey, I don't know what kind of tree you planted out there, but it's growin' skivvies!
Ray: Thanks to you, Debra threw my suitcase out the window this morning.
Frank: Hey, listen, I was thinkin' of taking a little field trip to LaGuardia to watch some flights. You in? [chuckles]
Marie: Raymond's not interested in those things, Frank. But, by all means, you go. I'll get you a limo.

Debra: Did you tell your mom all about your big score?
Ray: All right, I'm sorry, honey.
Debra: What are you sorry about, Ray?
Ray: I'm sorry about the airport lady. I'm sorry that you got jealous.
Debra: I'm not jealous about your airport lady, Ray. What bothers me is your attitude! Your attitude about me, about your ring, and about your marriage.
Ray: What do you mean, my marriage? There's nothing wrong with my marriage. Maybe your marriage.
Frank: Maybe my marriage.
Debra: You want to know what's bothering me, Ray? How many times have I told you not to spin your ring? That's your wedding ring, Ray! It's not a toy!
Ray: It does spin.
Debra: Okay, great. [Debra removes her ring]
Marie: Oh, my God!
Debra: Spin these.
Ray: Come on, what're you doing? Where you going?
Debra: I'm going to the grocery store. I'll wear my ring when you wear yours.

Frank: You lettin' her go there without a wedding ring?
Ray: Yeah, so?
Frank: Come on, a grocery store? It actually is a meat market. You send your little lady out into a man's world with a naked finger? It's like banana time in the monkey cage!
Ray: That's stupid.
Frank: Oh, yeah? Then where ya goin'?
Ray: I just remembered there's a few things we need at the store, all right?
Marie: I know what you need. You need a big sponge, a box of baking soda...
Ray: All right, Ma. Okay.
Marie: Your refrigerator is just...

Debra: Okay, the first guy was definitely gay. And Jimmy's all wrapped up in his work.
Ray: You knew I was watching you?
Debra: Shut up.
Ray: Come on, please, can we just go home?
Debra: You're obviously married to an old hag!
Ray: But I love her.
Debra: You're probably going to leave me for some younger girl who's stupid and thinks you're distinguished.
Ray: Come on, I'm just having a good week, that's all.

Woman: Oh, sorry.
Ray: That's okay. It was my fault.
Woman: No, it's me. I wasn't looking.
Ray: Oh, I'm married.
Woman: Excuse me?
Ray: And even if I wasn't, no, thank you. [to Debra] How's that?
Debra: Perfect.
Ray: I almost killed a lady.