Marie: Frank. Get up.
Frank: Huh?
Marie: Come on, this place is a mess. You haven't done a thing.
Frank: Hey, leave me alone. I'm taking a break. What have you been doing?
Marie: I not only straightened out the kitchen, I scrubbed the countertops, and I cleaned out the freezer.
Frank: And you celebrate with a bottle of hooch?

Ally: Hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandpa.
Frank: Hey, sweetheart.
Debra: Frank.
Marie: Hi, sweetheart. [holding vodka] This isn't mine. This is Mommy's.
Debra: Marie, where's Ray?
Marie: Oh, Raymond had to rush out, but he should be back soon.
Debra: Why does my living room look like a frat house?
Marie: I haven't- I didn't notice any difference really.

Robert: You know, Ally, it's my understanding that freezing is a virtually painless way to go.
Frank: Unlike marriage, where the pain is-
Marie: Frank!

Ally: Can I see Pumpernickel?
Ray: No, no, Ally, you shouldn't.
Debra: Sure, honey. You can go see him. [off Ray's look] What? It's important for closure.
Ray: "Closure." Reading books again?
Ally: Why is he covered in chocolate?
Robert: Some of the fudge pops must have melted.
Michael: Fudge pops?
Geoffrey: Gimme! Gimme!
Debra: No no, get out of there!
Ray: No, guys, stop that. That's not fudge.
Debra: There's cookies in the kitchen. Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Ray: Look, Ally, I'm very sorry that this happened, but now it's time to meet your brand-new hamster.
Ally: No, thanks.
Ray: Oh, come on, look look. He looks just like the old Pumpernickel. And the guy at the store told me that in a couple years, he might... fly.
Debra: Ray! Ray, don't tell her that.
Ray: All right. All right, so he won't he's not gonna fly. But he did say that he's magical.
Debra: Ray.
Ray: His personality!

Ray: Oh, come on, Ally. Just take a look. He's a cute little replacement.
Ally: I don't want a replacement, Daddy.
Robert: I think that's exactly what she needs: a replacement daddy.
Ray: Could you go home, please? And take these two theologians with you.

Debra: You don't understand, sweetie. When a child's pet dies, she has to go through a grieving process before she can take on a new pet.
Ray: All right, you can read. We get it. Isn't it a little morbid to make such a big deal out of this?
Debra: No, it's not morbid. It's reality.
Ray: Oh, come on. It's a hamster. Just leave her alone, and she'll get over it.
Debra: You know what I think would be healthy for all the kids? If we have sort of a formal goodbye ceremony for Pumpernickel.
Robert: Good idea, Deb.
Debra: Ray can dig a hole in the backyard.
Ray: I'm not digging a hole.
Debra: You're digging a hole. And I will get a shoebox.
Marie: Okay, I'll put out the cold cuts.
Frank: Okay. I'll get some beer.
Robert: All right, let's put on a funeral.

Debra: Hey. How's it going?
Ray: I'm digging through solid rock in a rainstorm. How do you think it's going?
Debra: What are you, made of sugar? It's barely drizzling.
Ray: Ah!
Debra: Careful, honey.

Ray: Why don't you dig this hole? This is all your fault anyway. You should have told me about that broken piece on the hamster cage.
Debra: Hey, if you were a little more involved, you'd pick up on these details.
Ray: Oh, really?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Maybe I make this hole a little bigger.

Frank: You all laughed at me, huh? Big waste of time, huh? [shakes handful of coins] Huh?! I think I'll buy myself a Yoo-hoo.
Marie: There goes my birthday present.