Ray: Look, Mom. I think you and Dad can work this out yourselves right, Deb?
Debra: No, Ray. Tell your father to give her back her friend.
Ray: What happened to "Stay out of it?"
Debra: I feel for your mother.
Ray: You do?
Debra: Yes. Do you think it's easy for Marie to meet people and make friends when she spent her whole life stuck in a house with a lump of a husband who, instead of puttin' his own kids to bed, is on the phone with his pals makin' a golf date?
Ray: Why can't you just hate one man a time?

Frank: Hey, Marie, tick-tock. Where's my dinner?
Marie: Raymond has something to say to you.
Frank: What?
Ray: What-
Marie: Stay away from Marco.
Debra: Yeah.
Frank: Since when do you tell me what to do?
Ray: I'm not- I'm not talking. They are.

Marie: Marco was my friend.
Frank: Oh, yeah? He traded up.
Marie: That's it, Frank. That s it. You are not invited to my birthday party.
Frank: Who needs an invitation? It's at my house!
Marie: Not anymore! I'm gonna have it right here at Raymond's house.
Frank: Thanks a lot!
Ray: What did I do?
Frank: Forget it! I'll just go to the lodge with Marco.
Marie: You can't. I've already invited him to the party, and he's gonna play "Happy Birthday" to me on the piano.
Frank: Where's my dinner?
Marie: At the lodge.

Debra: What?
Ray: You're really with my mother on this, huh? That's the horse you're backin'?
Debra: Better my horse than your jackass.

Ray: Hey, my jackass happens to have a point, okay? He's right if Marco's gonna be with anybody, it should be him, not her.
Debra: What, your mother's not allowed to have a friend?
Ray: Not a male friend, no. She's my mother.
Debra: So?
Ray: So, she's a married woman. It's creepy.
Debra: So, does that mean that I can't have any male friends?
Ray: You can have as many male friends as you want, as long as they're all gay.
Debra: You know, Ray, I may have some problems with your mother, but she can be friends with whoever she wants, and I'm gonna do whatever I can to encourage her.
Ray: All right, fine! But from now on in my head, Marco's gay.

Robert: Thanks, everybody. I got it. Yeow! Ooh! Gaw! Oo-ooh! Oh!
Marie: Is it your back?
Robert: No, I'm from Japan. I bring greetings from the emperor.

Ray: What- Where'd you come from?
Frank: The laundry room.
Ray: How long you been hiding in there?
Frank: Long enough to see you could use some new underwear.
Ray: Oh, I could use some now.

Frank: Get Marco in here. I want to talk to him.
Debra: Ray, where's the- What are you doing here?
Frank: Burping. Now maybe I'll wipe my mouth on the curtain.

Frank: Hey, Marco whose friend do you want to be?
Marco: Frank, I thought you had the swine flu.
Frank: She told you that? You will stop at nothing.

Marco: Why can't I be both your friends?
Marie: Well, for one thing, I find that people who like me generally can't stand him.