Debra: Bad day?
Ray: Yep.
Debra: Didn't you even enjoy the cars?
Ray: I would have if I could have backed one over those two idiots. They had a field day. They made fun of my corduroy pants. "Svee svee svee svee." And some woman spilled soda on me, and they're laughing. It was like they were at Disneyland.

Ray: How was your day?
Debra: You can't even imagine.
Ray: I imagine name-calling and someone throwing a shoe.
Debra: It was fantastic. I mean, your mother did start out with her usual little remarks, but I just let it roll right off of me. I laughed. I joked. I did it.
Ray: Yeah, well, I tried it, too, and it didn't work.
Debra: How long did you try it for?
Ray: None of your business, all right? It doesn't work.
Debra: It does work. It's all about attitude. You didn't change your attitude, you had a bad day. I changed my attitude and voila.
Ray: Don't say voila.
Debra: You're just mad because I found out a way to get along with your family, and you never have.
Ray: Well, you think you figured them out? You can't change them, you dizzy broad.

Amy: So, boys, what was your favorite part of the auto show?
Frank: Ray taking a Coke in the lap.
Marie: All right, Frank, leave him alone.
Frank: Yeah, you weren't with the sourpuss all day.

Robert: A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. Ha ha! And one of them has a parrot. Parrot. And he says to... Aw.
Can I have some wine, Amy?
Amy: No.

Debra: Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Answer me this. Ray, Robert. [they groan] Listen, I know you weren't there today. But wouldn't you agree that sometimes, and I'm not saying all the time, but sometimes Marie can be critical of me? [Ray & Robert are silent] Frank? [Frank pretends to be asleep] Come on! Ray.
Ray: I told you not to do this.
Debra: Ray, look at me.
Ray: No.
Debra: Look at me.
Ray: No.
Debra: Look at me!
Ray: No!

Frank: Ladies, whatever you went through today was worth it. An excellent meal. I give it two buttons and a zip. What kind of ice cream you got there, Ray?
Ray: Chocolate swirly.
Frank: What's that? I can't hear you over your pants.
Robert: [chuckles] Yeah, Noisy Pants.
Ray: These aren't the same pants. I changed them before dinner.
Frank: Then you better see a doctor.
Robert: Noisy luggage. [Robert & Frank laugh]
Ray: Ha ha! Very funny. Very funny. Sounds to me like nobody wants any ice cream. [they stop laughing]
Robert: Sorry.
Frank: I'm sorry, too.
Ray: [to Debra] See that? That is how it's done.
[Offscreen, Frank and Robert fling their ice cream at Ray's face]
Ray: It's not funny!