Ray: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. If you didn't eat cacciatore last night, then what did you breathe on me?
Robert: Kung pao. You don't know anything.

Debra: Hey. Five after 7:00. Morning, Marie.
Marie: Were you up all night taking care of Raymond? Because you look terrible.
[Behind Marie's back, Ray points to his head]
Debra: Uh, yeah, Ray had a headache. [Ray signals sleep] So he went right to bed. [Ray gives Debra a thumbs up as Marie turns around]
Ray: Right there. That's where it hurt. Ugh, it was all night.
Marie: Okay. I'll talk to you later.
Debra: All right.
Marie: Your father and I are still babysitting tonight, right?
Debra: Yep. See you tonight.
Marie: Oh, I'm sure I'll see you before then. [exits]
Debra: I'm sure you will.

Marie: Raymond?
Ray: Hey. What's shakin', bacon?
Marie: Where were you last night? I thought we were going to watch the Billie Jean King special together on the "Ess-pan."
Ray: ESPN, Ma. I know. I'm sorry. I came home. I had the worst headache. I just went right to sleep.
Marie: Oh. I made a very special dinner for you last night.
Ray: I know, Ma. It was just this headache. It's like there were two monkeys in there and only one banana.

Frank: Hey, Ray, you watch the Jets game last night?
Ray: Yeah, I did.
Frank: Horrible game.
Ray: Yep, it was.
Frank: You see the taco commercial with the lady and the other lady?
Ray: Yeah.
Frank: That part was all right.

Marie: Raymond, how did you watch the game? I thought you went right to sleep when you got home from work.
Ray: Yeah, I did. I had Debra tape the game for me, because my head hurt so much. And then this morning, I watched the game, and that's how I'm able to talk about it with Dad. The end.

Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Breaking the VCR. [off Debra's look] What? I wanted a new one anyway.

Debra: That repair guy's going to be here between 10:00 and 2:00. Can you wait for him?
Ray: Oh, wait. I got golf with Gianni tomorrow.
Debra: Golf?! Oh, I really need the washing machine.
Ray: Yeah, but that's my one day off.
Debra: I can't be here 'cause I have a doctor's appointment.
Ray: All right. Wait. Whoa. Doctor's appointment? All of a sudden, you remembered that?
Debra: What are you saying? I'm lying?
Ray: No. Gosh. Why would I say that? It's not like you're great at it or love doing it or anything.
Debra: You don't trust me.
Ray: No, I do, I do. Of course, I do.
Debra: I'm going to sleep.
Ray: Aw, come on!
Debra: I have a headache.
Ray: Oh, yeah right! You can't use headache today. I already did it.

Debra: Marie.
Marie: Now we know what little respect you have for us.
Ray: Come on, Ma, it's no big deal. It just snowballed from one tiny little lie.
Marie: So when you lied right to my face, you consider that a tiny little lie?
Ray: No, I just I mean, Debra and I were-
Marie: Don't bring Debra into it.
Debra: Yeah, Ray.
Ray: Look, Ma, I just- Just didn't want to hurt your feelings, that's all.
Marie: My feelings? It's obvious you don't want to be with me. And your tiny little lie is actually the one that hurts the most.

Ally: Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
Ray: Hey hey, where you going?
Ally: Over to Molly's house.
Debra: Wait, wait, wait! Don't you have homework?
Ally: Oh, we're doing it there.
Debra: Where are your books?
Ally: Oh, they're at Molly's house. She took them home for me because she knew we were going there to do our homework. Right, Molly?
Molly: Right.
Ally: Okay. Bye. [both exit]
Ray: She gets that from you.

Debra: What was all that about?
Ray: Oh, I just kind of stood her up last night, so I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But I don't have a headache, in case you want a little rise-and-shine action. [Debra walks away]