Marie: I happen to be very good at things relating to feelings. I mean, I've been married for 45 years, and if there's one thing I understand, it's how awful a husband can be.

Debra: Just to be clear, when I want my home to look nice, is there anything wrong with asking Ray to help me?
Marie: That's certainly valid. And, Raymond, you of all people should know that if you want your house to look nice, Debra needs help.

Debra: I think it's getting kind of late, everybody. Ray, you want to go up?
Ray: We should we should call Pamela, right?
Debra: Uh, no, I think some things are better left unexplored.
Ray: Because I'm sick. That's sick what I said.
Debra: No, no. I think you are just lazy.
Ray: You think so? Yeah, I'm a lazy guy.
Robert: Sweet dreams. You want mommy to tuck you in?

Ray: I don't want to go to counseling!
Debra: What?
Ray: I know that after what Bernie and Linda said-
Debra: You think I want us to go to counseling?
Ray: Wh- You don't?
Debra: Do you think we should go because of Bernie and Linda?
Ray: Well, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I just thought 'cause they had their little thing tonight, and after, they were all huggy and kissy. But that's only because they're different from us. Their fight was about the computer. Our was about the TV. And the TV has been around for years. So that's very different.
Debra: We're going to counseling.
Ray: No!

Debra: I already got Pamela's number from Linda.
Ray: I don't want to go to counseling!
Debra: Ray, we fight all the time.
Ray: No, not fights tiffs, little tiffs. Sweetie pie, baby... skinny girl! Come on. No, no counseling.
Debra: What would be so terrible about it?
Ray: Everything. What do you think's gonna happen, we're gonna go, and the next day we're gonna grow wings and fly around giving each other foot massages?

Debra: It's just getting a little help.
Ray: We don't need help.
Debra: Why don't we let Pamela decide that?
Ray: Oh, yeah, and then there's that. Hmm... Pamela! Wonder whose side she's gonna be on.
Debra: Okay, so we can go to a man.
Ray: Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. [flirty] "Oh, you understand me so much better than my husband."
Debra: And you don't need therapy.

Ray: Look, all these therapist people want to do is get you to cry.
Debra: Don't you want to find the deeper reasons why we fight? Don't you want to have a healthier marriage?
Ray: Not if I have to cry.
Debra: It's not about that! It's about trying to be happy.
Ray: But we are happy! Look at us. I love you.
Debra: Get off of me. Get off of me. Listen, I am making an appointment for counseling, and you are coming with me, because we are gonna do whatever it takes to heal this marriage. [exits]
Ray: Stupid marriage.

Debra: Ray, could you get up and help me, please? We gotta shampoo the rug before they come over tonight.
Ray: Shampoo the rug?! It's Bernie and Linda, I'm not even gonna shampoo myself.
Debra: Well, when they pass out from your smell, I want them to land on a clean rug.

Debra: Therapist? What, you mean like a marriage counselor?
Linda: Yeah. We've been going for about a month now. We really had to do something. We were starting to fight a lot.
Ray: Huh. Who wants coffee?
Debra: So, is it helping?
Bernie: Oh, you wouldn't believe the difference.
Debra: Really?
Ray: Forget the coffee. How about some drinks, put on some music?
Linda: You know, it's so great to be able to take our fights to a third party.
Bernie: Yeah. Now I've actually won a few. Of course, it's not about winning.
Linda: Pamela's trying to help us understand the deeper reasons why we fight.
Debra: That is so important, because-
Ray: Whoa! Whoops! Dropped a cup. It's my favorite, so how about a moment of silence?

Bernie: Anyway, I really think we're communicating better.
Linda: Oh, for sure. No, really, because I used to try to discuss something, and this one would just sit there in front of the computer, like, "Uhh it's glowing."
Bernie: Well, I guess that's just an instinctive response to the yelling. [laughs]
Linda: Well, you know, if I am yelling, it's just probably 'cause I've asked him already to turn the thing off like 10 times. [laughs]
Bernie: [sighs] So Pamela's been great.
Linda: Yeah, it's really great.
Bernie: I'm sorry, honey. I was just being kind of, uh, passive-aggressive.
Linda: You know what? I started it. I started it with my little hidden agenda about the computer and... [they kiss]
Debra: Wow.
Linda: Well, obviously we still have a little work to do.
Debra: No, but the important thing is you're doing it.
[Ray starts vacuuming]