Pamela: So, Ray and Debra, how long have you two been married?
Debra: 13 years.
Ray: True. See? No argument there.

Debra: Pamela, could I just say something?
Pamela: Sure.
Debra: Just as an example, last week, Ray came home late from golfing. And I guess golf is kind of a hot-button issue with me, and we had a fight.
Pamela: Ray, do you remember this?
Ray: I do. I shot a 94.
Pamela: Go ahead, Debra.
Debra: I had all the kids, and I was expecting him home at 2:00, and he didn't show up until 5:00. And his explanation for why it took so long was that his friend Gianni wanted to pet a deer. And that's just indicative of the kind of thing that Ray always does. And I understand that we need time to ourselves, but what really bothers me is that he doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for anything. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Debra: Pamela, I think we're getting a little off track here. I mean, this isn't exactly the Ray I get at home, you know? Right now he's the one being a saint.
Pamela: Well, let's try to have the perspective that neither one of us is a saint, okay?
Debra: Yeah, okay, sure.
Ray: I'm sorry that I called her a saint before. I'm sorry. Stupid!
Pamela: No, it's okay, Raymond. No, you're doing just fine.

Marie: Oh my God! What did she say? Is there hope?
Ray: I told you we should have said we went to a movie.
Robert: Counseling, huh? I came over as soon as I heard.
Debra: So, Marie, are the kids asleep?
Marie: Yes, and I'm gonna do my best to make sure they remain untraumatized.

Ray: Excuse me, but I spent the whole time saying, "I'm sorry." What more do you want?
Robert: Oh, you are so full of it.
Ray: Do you mind? Listen-
Debra: You manipulated the whole thing! How do you expect to make any progress if you go in there playing a character?
Ray: You're just mad because you wanted me to get blamed for everything, and Pamela liked me.
Debra: She didn't like you, because you weren't there!
Robert: What are you hiding, man? What's in there?

Ray: Yeah, you didn't go in there to find out what's wrong with us. You went in there to find out what's wrong with me. Well, you can just figure it out yourself 'cause I'm not going back.
Debra: Oh yes, you are.
Ray: No way. You heard her. She said we were normal.
Debra: She didn't say that. What room were you in?
Ray: Hey, instead of yelling at me, shouldn't you be worried about the deeper reasons behind how you're reacting?
Debra: I think you better worry about how I'm reacting.
Ray: Whoa, harmful behavior! Harmful behavior!
Debra: You're just a big phony, and you know it!
Ray: Oh, I wish Pamela could see you now!

Ray: Listen, Bernie and Linda came in and they said they went to counseling, and she got it in her head that we should go, and we don't need to.
Robert: Oh, poor Raymond. Never learned how to get along with other human beings.
Marie: Be quiet, Robbie.
Ray: Yeah, shut up.
Robert: No, you shut up.
Ray: Ass.
Robert: Ass!

Marie: Debra, did you want to go to counseling because of Bernie and Linda?
Debra: No, of course not. I mean, look at how we fight. The very morning they came over, we were fighting.
Marie: And what do you fight about?
Ray: About how nuts she goes cleaning when people come over. All I want to do is relax for once and watch a little TV, and she asked me to shampoo the rug. [shrugs]
Frank: What? You can't help out a little?
Ray: What? You don't help out.
Frank: Ass.
Robert: Yes.

Robert: No, no, on the contrary, Dad, I think we've made quite a breakthrough.
Ray: No. No, no.
Robert: Oh, no, no, it's very simple, really. You see, apparently the deep reasons behind the fights is that you wish you married your mother.
Ray: That's not what I said.
Robert: Yes, you did.
Ray: Why- Why would I say that?
Marie: [smiles] Raymond. Raymond, there's nothing wrong in what you just said.
Ray: Please, stop, Ma! Stop! Listen, that's that's not what I meant to say. Debra, could you call Pamela and see if she has an opening for right now?
Robert: Maybe she could move in.