Robert: Well, that's very nice, Ma, but do you really expect me to believe this?
Marie: No. I don't expect you to believe anything I say. I obviously have failed as a mother, and I was only hoping to have one more chance as a grandmother.
Debra: But, Marie, you are a grandmother. What about our kids?
Marie: Oh? Where are they? Ally! Michael, Geoffrey. It used to be that I'd walk through that door and I'd be smothered with hugs and kisses.
Ally: Yeah.
Marie: Grandma's here.
[As Marie holds out her arms, the kids just stand there]
Kids: Hi. [go back upstairs]
Marie: See?
Debra: Oh, come on, Marie. You know they love you.
Ray: Yeah. Maybe if you just gave them a little time to miss you.
Marie: Well, there'll be plenty of time soon enough. [limps away]

Robert: Hold on, Ma. Did you really mean those nice things you said about me. You know, about my strength and my goodness and my teeth?
Marie: I wouldn't have said them if I didn't mean them.
Robert: And I really am the favorite?
Ray: Ma?
Marie: I'm sorry you had to hear it like this, Raymond. [winks and then smiles]
Robert: You know what, Ma? I think Amy and I can give it a shot.
Marie: Whatever you want, dear.

Marie: Come on, Frank. I want to make them chocolate-covered strawberries.
Frank: I ate those strawberries. I ate that chocolate. And I drank all the booze in the little fridge.

Amy: Robert, are you sure about all this? I just got the feeling that your mom-
Ray: Yeah, I gotta tell you I can't believe you fell for that.
Robert: Yes, it certainly looks that way, doesn't it? She may be treating me as the favorite for now, but after she gets Amy pregnant, I go back to being number... four.
Debra: Wait a minute. You're number four?
Robert: Okay, three. But before that happens, I plan on milking this for a long time. [evil laugh]

Amy: Hey, Marie.
Marie: Look at Amy. You look marvelous, dear. Doesn't she look marvelous, Debra?
Debra: Why wouldn't she? She's living with you.
Marie: True.

Ray: Hey, we got anything to eat over here?
Debra: Hey. Thought your mom was making pancakes.
Ray: She was, but she gave the good ones to Robert. Totally shorted me on the blueberry sauce. I had less on my plate than he had on his face.
Debra: Well, that's weird, because Amy says that the service has been exceptional over there.
Ray: Oh, yeah? Well, my tongue should be blue, and it isn't.

Marie: Robert. Robert, what is wrong? Why did you run out of the house?
Amy: It's nothing, Marie. I think we just need to be alone.
Marie: Well, that's fine. Frank, Raymond, get out.

[After Robert enters in his bath robe:]
Ray: Well, Dad, I didn't have a lot of money, but I got you a stripper.