Joey Caruso Quote #30
Chris: What now?
Joey Caruso: Well, we switch platforms and then head back downtown.
Chris: All right, let's go.
Joey Caruso: Oh, wait. So you really came back for me?
Chris: Yeah. Why?
Joey Caruso: Because I would have left you.
Chris: For real?
Joey Caruso: Yeah, man. You're dumb. Those guys could have killed you.
Chris: All right. All right, you done?
Joey Caruso: Yeah, let's go home, Muddy.
More Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Quote from Drew
Julius: I'm really proud of you for getting 100 on that test, so here you go.
Drew: Yeah! Wow.
Julius: Huh? What do you think?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew thought about saying this...
Drew: Gritsky? It's not Gritsky. It's Gretzky with an "E"! I scored 100 on my spelling test. I can't wear this! You got that big old head, and you can't even spell Gretzky. [scoffs] Maybe you should take my spelling classes. I ain't wearing this.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But if he did, here's what would've happened...
[fantasy: Drew is carried out of the house on a stretcher:]
Detective: What's the story?
Police Officer: Apparently, the kid loves hockey. Father brings home a jersey that says Gritsky with an "I" instead of Gretzky with an "E." Son mouths off, dad loses it, shoves the jersey down the kid's throat.
Detective: Is that the jersey?
Police Officer: It's all we could find.
Detective: Good thing he didn't ask for skates.
Quote from Julius
Drew: Hey, Dad, check it out. I got a hundred on my spelling test.
Julius: All right. My man!
Drew: I was thinking... Could I get a hockey jersey, since I got a hundred on my test?
Julius: You're supposed to get a hundred, you don't get a prize for doing well.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father never rewarded good behavior.
Chris: Dad, I cleaned out the tub.
Julius: You're supposed to clean the tub, it's your dirt ring.
Tonya: Hey, Dad. I fixed the heater.
Julius: You're supposed to fix the heater. You're the one who likes it warm.
Drew: Hey, Dad, I slaughtered a pig.
Julius: You're supposed to slaughter a pig. You're the one that likes bacon.
Quote from Everybody Hates the Last Day
Joey Caruso: Hey, T.C. [knocks Chris's books out of his hands] Five more days till you're back in the hood. Dropped something.
Greg: Don't you ever get tired of that?
Joey Caruso: I never get tired, it never gets old.
Quote from Everybody Hates the G.E.D.
Joey Caruso: Hey, Kelly, Alex. So is it true, you flunked out?
Chris: I didn't flunk out. But I am leaving school.
Joey Caruso: Cool. You want to hang out sometime?
Chris: You're kidding me, right?
Joey Caruso: No, I mean, I've been beating the crap out of you all these years, because secretly, I've been envious of your determination and your accomplishments. I was only trying to crush your spirit so I wouldn't feel inferior. But now that you're dropping out, society will take over, so we can hang.
Chris: So who are you gonna pick on when I'm gone?
[Greg turns away as Caruso's eyes land on him]
Greg: Just give me a minute. [looks off into the distance] All right, go ahead. [Caruso punches Greg]