Dr. Crandell: Two aspirin coming up. Two tablets, buffered. I hope they go down well. Bye-bye.
Rebecca: Dr. Crandell, it's not really why I'm here.
Dr. Crandell: It's not?
Rebecca: No. Now, I know you came on to me and you know you came on to me. But I'm not leaving here until you admit it.
Dr. Crandell: All right, I admit it, I came on to you, good night.
Rebecca: Ah-ha.
Dr. Crandell: Ah-ha?
Rebecca: I didn't quite hear that.
Dr. Crandell: Oh, for God's sake, good night.
Rebecca: [opens the closet door slightly] Um, please, if you could just say it a little bit louder and a little clearer... [Sam closes the closet door from the inside] So that I know that there's no mistaking it.
Dr. Crandell: All right, if that will make you happy, I came on to you, I came on to you. You know, I'm beginning to regret it.
Rebecca: Ah-ha!

Dr. Crandell: Good night, Miss Howe.
Rebecca: You... Sam! Would you get the hell out of there?
Dr. Crandell: Sam?
Sam: Whoa, boy. These luxury hotels have great closets.
Rebecca: Did you hear what he just said?
Sam: Uh, no, I'm sorry, I sort of had something in my ear.
Rebecca: You had a woman in here!
Sam: Uh, as long as we got that established, if you need me again, I'll be back by the shoe rack.

Rebecca: Sam! Remember our mission? Now listen to me. This proves that I am not crazy. This proves that he is just a lech.
Dr. Crandell: I can explain. Miss Johnson is my executive secretary. We have a great deal of dictation together. Now if you'll excuse us. [opens door]
Man: You sent for a violinist?
Rebecca: A violinist to do your dictation? Come on. Now at least, for God's sakes, have the decency to come clean and tell Sam the truth.
Dr. Crandell: Oh, all right. I admit it, it's true. I've been a very lonely man. I thought this trip would put my convictions to the test, but I'm afraid I came up lacking. I'm sorry if I caused you any pain, Miss Howe.
Rebecca: Well, at least you finally admitted it.
Dr. Crandell: Yes, I'm glad the truth is out. At last, no more lying. No more deceit. [knocking]
Mrs. Crandell: [o.s.] Lawrence? Guess who?
Dr. Crandell: It's my wife! Hide!
Rebecca: I'm not going in a closet.
Sam: Oh, come on. You'll enjoy it. I'll show you around.

Mrs. Crandell: Whoever is in that closet, come out this instant! [Sam, Rebecca, Maria and Zoltan emerge from the closet] All right, I want an explanation, and I want it right this minute. Otherwise, I am going to divorce him. I am going to take his money, and I am going to take his reputation, and his career. And after that I am going to do the same for each and every one of you. And believe me, I can do it. So who is going to come forth with an explanation?
Sam: Um, we, uh, we're all here to... [clears throat] change the lightbulbs.