Dr. Crandell: Frasier.
Frasier: Larry, good to see you again.
Dr. Crandell: Good to see you.
Frasier: Have I told you how thrilled I am about the success of your book?
Dr. Crandell: Yes, you have.
Frasier: It's a fabulous book. You know, I was just thinking what a wonderful gift it would make.
Dr. Crandell: Have you read it?
Frasier: Well, no, I was hoping someone might give it to me.

Frasier: And this is Sam Malone.
Dr. Crandell: Oh, not the Sam Malone? Oh, you were a hell of a pitcher. I saw you strike out Reggie Jackson. Made him look like a fool.
Sam: Oh, well...
Dr. Crandell: I can hardly blame him for knocking you off the mound the next time up with that line drive.

Sam: So the book's doing pretty good, huh?
Dr. Crandell: Yeah, it has been received rather well. In fact, this last review is so embarrassingly good, I should just wad it up and throw it away. But I need several hundred copies first. Is there a photocopy machine around here?
Sam: Yeah, Rebecca's got one in her office. You don't mind, do you?
Rebecca: No, help yourself.
Dr. Crandell: That's very kind of you. Any special instructions?
Rebecca: Yes, just push the blue button. It's right under the sign that says, "This machine is for photocopying documents, not your butt."

Dr. Crandell: Miss Howe, may I ask you something?
Rebecca: Sure.
Dr. Crandell: I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but my field is human sexual dynamics. And just now I had the strangest impression - please, tell me if I'm wrong - that something happened when you and I were introduced. I sensed some spark, some flicker of response on your part. Very subtle, but unmistakable. Was I imagining that?
Rebecca: I think so.
Dr. Crandell: Well, my mistake. I'm sure you understand.
Rebecca: Of course.
Dr. Crandell: You- You- You are aware I wasn't being judgmental?
Rebecca: Of course.
Dr. Crandell: It's the response itself that interested me. Purely as a scientist. And you are quite sure that on some very basic level, you didn't experience an undeniable attraction?
Rebecca: Positive.
Dr. Crandell: Well, I'm glad we cleared that up.

Dr. Crandell: You suppose I might trouble you for two brandies, Miss Howe?
Rebecca: Ask the bartender.
Sam: Of course we can help you. Woody, uh, pour Dr. Crandell a couple of our house brand.
Woody: Two house brands on the house.
Dr. Crandell: That's very kind of you, Sam. One seldom gets to sample a good Nigerian Cognac.

Frasier: Dr. Crandell came on to you?
Sam: What'd he do? Did he touch you?
Rebecca: No, he did not touch me.
Frasier: Make an indecent proposal?
Rebecca: Of course not.
Sam: Comment on your looks, ask you for a date, whistle, flash, what?
Rebecca: He asked about my feelings.
Sam: The man should be horse whipped!

Frasier: Rebecca, of course he asked about your feelings. I mean, it's his field. The man is an analyst. He's written volumes on human sexual attraction.
Sam: Wait, wait, so, uh, then what happened?
Rebecca: I'll tell you what happened, Mr. Smarty Pantses. He thanked me politely and he left. Oh, that doesn't seem so terrible, does it?
Frasier: Rebecca, I assure you, you must have misunderstood his intentions. I mean, he's in love with his wife. They're the most happily married couple I know.
Rebecca: Gee, I guess I could have been wrong. What if he was just being psychological or something? I should apologize to him, huh?
Frasier: I guess you should.

Dr. Crandell: That's all right. You meet someone, you find him unattractive, even repulsive, it happens.
Rebecca: Well, I don't think you're repulsive.
Dr. Crandell: No, no, please. Don't think you have to worry about my feelings.
Rebecca: I think you're an attractive man.
Dr. Crandell: Really, that's very flattering. As a matter of fact, I'm really quite awkward and uncomfortable around women. As a matter of fact, the very idea of my propositioning you or having an opening line, or doing something so blatant as...
Rebecca: Rubbing your foot along my leg?
Dr. Crandell: Exactly.
Rebecca: You're doing that right now.
Dr. Crandell: Oh, goodness. Was that you? I'm sorry, I thought it was the table leg. The supple, quivering table leg that goes on forever. A natural mistake.
Rebecca: You're still doing it. You have a hole in your sock.
Dr. Crandell: Like it?

Woody: [answers phone] Cheers. Dr. Crandell? Telephone. It's Mrs. Dr. Crandell.

Rebecca: Hi, it's Miss Howe. May I come in?
Dr. Crandell: Ordinarily I'd say yes, but you see, I'm expecting a colleague any minute. So you see, it's really not convenient.
Rebecca: I was just thinking about something you said, and I wanted to clarify that.
Dr. Crandell: Terrific. We'll have lunch tomorrow and clarify away.
Rebecca: That's a great idea, but you know, I have been through so much stress and so much anxiety over this that I have a terrible, splitting headache. Do you have any aspirin?
Dr. Crandell: Aspirin?
Rebecca: Yes, if you give me an aspirin, I think it'll get rid of my headache and then I can leave you in peace.
Dr. Crandell: Right, aspirin. Well, I'll try to find it.
Rebecca: Psst! Get in there.
Sam: This is the stupidest thing I've ever done.
Rebecca: You do nine stupid things before breakfast. Now get in that closet. Now when... When he admits that he came on to me, I want you to leap out and catch him in the act. And then we'll prove once and for all that he is a lech and I am not cuckoo.
Sam: One thing at a time, Rebecca.