Diane: Well, I think I can help you out. Have a seat. A good conversationalist is usually a good listener. I've found that people love to talk about themselves.
Woody: Really?
Diane: Oh, yes. People have an endless fascination with their own little world. It's an observation I made as a small child, although I've never understood why it holds true. l, myself, have always found many more interesting topics to talk about. Of course, I've always made it a point to broaden my horizons. [Woody keeps checking his watch] As a matter of fact, I was reading the New York Times at the age of 4. And from then, on to the classics. Of course, it caused some hardships as a youngster, always being far and away the brightest in the class.
[As Diane goes to get a carton of milk, Woody leaves the bar and Cliff takes his seat]
Diane: Usually, the brightest in the class is regarded as some sort of a pimply faced egghead. I'm sorry, Clifford, what was your question again?

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: How's life, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Oh, I look at it every once in a while when I'm in the john.
Woody: I didn't mean the magazine.
Norm: Neither did l.

Diane: Nick, Loretta.
Nick Tortelli: Hello, sweetcakes. You been thinking about me?
Diane: Only during flea-and-tick season.
Nick Tortelli: Yeah? Well, in my neighborhood, that's all year round.
Diane: I'm sure it is.

Eddie: Good luck, Carla. I'm really sorry about this. Knock them dead, kid.
Carla: Yeah, yeah.
Cliff: [to the paramedics] Listen, mac, I'd put a cervical collar on that knee. Give him... Give him about 30 milligrams of CC's, huh? Better make that 40.

Sam: So how you doing? You still in the TV-repair business?
Nick Tortelli: Oh, that's a sideline now. I'm into bigger and better things.
Sam: What do you got there? Oh. "Nick's Talent Emporium, Hi-Class Talent for Less. Nick Tortelli, Talent Manager." Well, I'll be darned. [goes to pocket the business card]
Nick Tortelli: Uh, I only got one.

Carla: Yeah, it was a magical moment. You know, it was like I was transported back in time. I wasn't a tired old woman with six kids. I was a fresh young teenager with two kids.

Sam: It was a local TV show, kind of like American Bandstand. Carla used to dance on it.
Carla: Oh, yeah. I danced my way into New England's heart. Till they made up that stupid rule.
Cliff: What rule's that?
Carla: The one that said that pregnant 16-year-olds can't Hully Gully on TV.
Norm: Those were repressive times.

Sam: Glad you made it.
Nick Tortelli: Of course I made it. Anytime Carla needs a favor, and I can benefit financially, and you send me the bus fare, I'm there.
Norm: Hey, that's quite a testimonial.

Loretta: Nick's managing my career now.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? You still singing with the Grinning Americans? Boy, I love that group.
Loretta: Oh, step into the '80s. The Grinning Americans are so passe it's laughable. I'm with the Lemon Sisters.
Norm: The Lemon Sisters?
Nick Tortelli: Yeah, it's Loretta and two other dames. I thought up the name.
Norm: Well, don't people confuse you with the Lennon Sisters?
Loretta: I don't know. Do they throw their drinks at The Lennon Sisters?
Nick Tortelli: It's pure coincidence that the names sound alike. Besides, I got other people on my roster. I also handle Wayne Newman.

Nick Tortelli: It's gonna be great to see everybody. I just hope I can dance as good. I - I'm a little rusty.
Carla: Oh, no sweat. I'm in great shape.
Nick Tortelli: I'm glad to hear that, Carla, but it takes two to tango. And if I'm rusty, we're nowhere.
Carla: What's that supposed to mean?
Nick Tortelli: Look, I'm trying to be a gentleman here. Everybody knew who was more talented.
Carla: Yeah, me.
Nick Tortelli: Give me a break. I carried you.
Carla: You carried me? I carried you.
Nick Tortelli: In your hat. I carried you!
Carla: In your hat! I carried you!
Nick Tortelli: Carla, the fact is, I can go to the dance with a monkey and win that contest.
Carla: Oh, yeah? Who'd lead?