Carla: A whole night without my kids. Thank you, Saint Jude, patron saint of lost causes. I have prayed for this day for 18 years. First you freed me from Diane. And now this! I am blessed! I am truly blessed.
Cliff: Carla, do you realize that you're the same height kneeling down as you are standing up?

Frasier: People, people, we cannot impose our own moral belief systems on these two.
Sam: Yes, thank you very much.
Frasier: The real question is: Will they make responsible parents?
Rebecca: That's right!
Frasier: And the answer is an emphatic "no!"
Rebecca: Hey!
Frasier: Sam, up until now, you and Rebecca have not taken into account the years of sacrifice involved in the raising of a child. You have not reckoned with the fact that as soon as you have one, your lives will be irrevocably altered. An infant demands constant attention. 24 hours a day. Seven days a week. It never says "please" or "may l?" It just demands. Let me have a scotch. And say good-bye to vacations. Say good-bye to ski weekends because your life is baby, baby, baby. Can I get a drink, please?!

Sam: Okay, I hope you all enjoyed the dinner as much as the wall did. And I also want you to know that Rebecca really enjoyed the dead-rat-in-the-bun joke. That's very funny. [Rebecca sobs] Come on, honey, just pull yourself together. You're going to frighten the kids.
Rebecca: I don't think I can take any more.
Sam: Oh, come on, of course you can. You can't quit now. We've onl... Okay, who-who took my watch? [mutters]
Rebecca: You see that? This is not a home. This is a house of horrors.
Sam: No, you're just...
Rebecca: I mean, my God, they Crazy-glued the dryer door shut.
Sam: Yeah, I know, but we got you out, didn't we?
Rebecca: But I'm still dizzy.