Diane: My name is Diane Chambers and I would like one day to be known as the voice of my generation. You see, I'm a humanist...
Emcee: And, aren't we all? Good luck. And if you win, we'll be seeing you on AM Boston.
Diane: Just let- AM Boston?
Emcee: That's right. They're going to be here later to tape the announcement of the winner.
Diane: Let the games begin!
Emcee: Diane Chambers, humanist.

Emcee: Now for our last contestant. From here at Cheers, Miss Diane Chambers. [applause]
Diane: Hello. I'm Diane and I'm delighted to be your waitress. What can I get you?
Judge #1: Screwdriver, please.
Diane: What kind of vodka?
John: Absolut, please.
Diane: Absolute-ly. [laughs]
Judge #2: Chivas rocks.
Diane: Chivas rocks. And for yourself?
Judge #3: I'll have a beer.
Diane: Imported or domestic?
Judge #3: Uh, what do you recommend?
Diane: Well, I'll find something nice for you. I'll be back in a jiff, with pretzels.

Diane: I'll take my speech, thank you.
Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean, speech? What are you talking about?
Diane: Sam, I am going to win this contest so I can make a speech denouncing it.
Sam: Oh, my God! Is that what you've been planning the whole time?
Diane: Sam, I have to do this.
Sam: I don't believe I could be so stupid. For a minute there, I actually thought you might be a regular person for once.
Diane: I am not a regular person.
Sam: You're telling me!
Diane: Sam, someday, you will realize that I am doing the right thing.
Sam: Well, why do you always have to do the right thing? I mean, do you see the rest of us running around trying to do the right thing? We're happy.
Diane: May I go now?
Sam: Yeah, go on. Help yourself. By the way, I just want to say, I'm glad that under all this pressure, we haven't seen that facial tic of yours.
Diane: And you won't. Mind over matter.

Diane: St Pauli Girl. Absolut screwdriver, Chivas rocks and pretzels. Is there anything else that I can do for you?
Judge #3: Is there something wrong, miss?
Diane: What do you mean?
Judge #3: Are you all right?
Diane: Oh. Uh... Uh... Well, I have this... Uh, facial tic. But I, um... l believe that all of us have obstacles to overcome in life. And in the final analysis, the true measure of greatness is the severity of obstacles one has had to overcome in order to achieve one's goals. I, um... I may not be the most attractive waitress here. I may not be the most talented. But I am a survivor. I didn't come here to lose. I came here to win. I will beat them all. I will beat any who come against me. And as God as my witness, I will never be hungry again! [cheers and applause]

Emcee: Ladies and gentlemen, this year's Miss Boston Barmaid, Miss Diane Chambers! Congratulations, Diane!
Diane: Is that AM Boston?
Emcee: Yes, it is.
Diane: I really didn't expect to win this contest. It has- [the Emcee gives Diane flowers] Thank you. It has been quite- [He places a crown on her head] It has been quite an experience. Now, I would like to tell you my feelings about this contest.
Emcee: But before you do that, Diane, let me tell you what you've won.
Diane: That's really not necessary.
Emcee: Something every waitress needs. Six months' worth of free dry cleaning at Ritz Cleaners!
Diane: Thank you. Contests such as these do nothing...
Emcee: And for entertaining at home, a Kitchen Helper food processor.
Diane: Oh, thank you, that's nice. I've always wanted one.
Diane: But really, ladies and gentlemen...
Emcee: A $200 gift certificate from Filene's Department Store, where you can buy some new outfits for that week-long vacation you and a friend will be taking to Bermuda!
Diane: [squeals] Bermuda! Oh, my God!

Diane: I sold out womankind for a trip to Bermuda.
Sam: Oh, hey, come on. Don't feel so bad. Most people would have done it for the dry cleaning.

Sam: Hey, come on. I don't even think you did sell out.
Diane: Of course I did.
Sam: No, you didn't. What you did was let your feelings out. I mean, for the first time in your life, you were spontaneous. It was great!
Diane: It's not the first time I've done something spontaneous. May I have my purse, please? I enjoy being spontaneous, every now and then. Whenever I think it's appropriate.
Sam: Hey, you're a maniac.
Diane: OK. Maybe I do tend to be a little uptight at times. Maybe this bar is changing me. Maybe the atmosphere is rubbing off a little.
Sam: Maybe.
Diane: And maybe, in some small way, I'm the better for it.
Sam: Maybe you are.
Diane: Maybe I should thank you.
Sam: Maybe you should.
Diane: Like how? [off Sam's look] Oh, forget it.
Sam: Come on, you really want to make it up to me? Let's go to Bermuda. You got two tickets.
Diane: Don't be coy.
Sam: Oh, all right, I know I've been making a lot of passes at you. But take me to Bermuda, I promise I'll be the perfect gentleman.
Diane: You will?
Sam: Cross my heart.
Diane: Then forget it.

Diane: Don't you ever go through my wallet again.
Sam: Well, don't worry. It was pretty boring.
Diane: Oh, I'm sorry. If I'd known you were going through it, I'd have added something interesting!
Sam: You know, I've never seen anyone with so many pictures of themselves. You with your cat. You on your pony. You by your car. You by your car with your cat on your pony.