Sam: Woody.
Woody: Yo.
Sam: Get on the phone. Tell the church we're running a little bit late. Cliff, see if you can catch up with Eddie there.
Cliff: You betcha.
Sam: Norm, stay in the office and make sure Carla does not trash it. Yes, you. Frasier. Go pick up Carla's gown, will you?
Frasier: Right. Oh, say, if anybody needs me, just tell them I'm at Gown-O-Rama, tra-la.
Rebecca: That was all well and good.
Sam: Thank you.
Rebecca: How do you plan on getting the bride and groom back together?
Sam: I'm going to rely on my wits.
Rebecca: Well, you're halfway there.
Sam: You better believe it.

Cliff: Hey, Sammy, I got Eddie.
Sam: Great. Where's Mama?
Cliff: I tipped the cabbie to take her back to the hotel.You already paid back that buck.
Eddie LeBec: I'm not gonna marry her, Sam. I mean, I can't go against mamere's wishes. Maybe some day, after Mama gets to know her and starts to like her.
Sam: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What about the planets and the tea leaves? I mean, if you don't marry her now, you're going to have to wait till 2042.
Eddie LeBec: Sam, it's no use. I mean, maybe Carla's right. Ever since I saw her on our wedding day, we've had nothing but bad luck.
Sam: You know, I happen to think that it's bad luck to be a jerk to the woman you're in love with. Now, come on, Eddie. Just talk to her.
Eddie LeBec: Okay. I guess I could just talk to her.
Sam: Great, great, great, great, great, hold that thought.

Rebecca: You're smiling. The wedding's on.
Sam: Oh, yeah. This uniform is almost off. Old engineer Sammy's got the matrimony express right back on schedule.

Sam: Listen, she wants to forgive you. All you two need is a few moments together in private.
Eddie LeBec: Okay, but could we do it out here, where there are plenty of witnesses?
Sam: All right. Okay. Just sit down right here. Relax. [to Norm] If he even looks at the door, break his legs.

Frasier: Sam! The wedding frock you ordered. I got some pretty weird looks on the bus with this thing. There was also one rather interesting invitation.

Carla: I told you I wouldn't talk to him unless he comes in here begging.
Sam: Come on. Carla, we don't have time for this nonsense. Hey, I got an idea. Get out of your clothes.
Carla: Oh, Sammy, any other time I'd love to, but, really...
Sam: Well, I just think that, you know, uh, you're sweaty. You're tired, maybe you'd like to change into something else. Well, hey, like this, for instance.
Carla: No way.
Sam: Oh, come on. Just, just try it on. You know, see how it fits in case you want to get married someday. Years from now. Years from now.
Carla: Well, you know, I might not be pregnant then.
Sam: Right. Come on.
Carla: Oh, what the heck. This might be the last chance I get to see what I look like in one of these.
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Besides, I'm out 36 bucks.

Carla: [o.s.] Sammy. I know what you're doing here. You think I'm going to get all decked out like Miss Bride of the Year, take one look in the mirror and forget all about being mad at Eddie. And I'm going to go out there, and Eddie's going to take one look at me and forget all about his mother. Then, we'll march down the aisle and live happily ever after. Am I right?
Sam: Yeah, that's basically it. You got a problem with that?
Carla: Nah, just checking.

Eddie LeBec: Let's get to the church. We have to get married before 4:00.
Sam: Hot dog! [removes his jacket] Care to help me with my pants?
[Sam throws his jacket on the floor, pours various liquids over it and then dances on it]
Woody: Carla? It's your church.
Eddie LeBec: Would you tell them we're on our way.
Woody: Well, that's just it. They had to go ahead with the other wedding and cancel yours.
Carla: I knew it. I knew it!
Rebecca: [picks up Sam's jacket with tongs] You're out of uniform.

Monsignor: [v.o.] Edward, have you come here freely without reservation to give yourself to Carla in marriage? Edward? Carla, where's Edward? Carla? Where's Carla?
Carla: Excuse me. Excuse me! Lady with a baby. Excuse- Would you get off the dress! All right, all right, all right. Crank it up, Father. All the forces in the universe say we have to be done by 4:00. [bells toll] Oh, no.
Monsignor: [v.o.] Do you, Edward Raymond, take Carla Maria Victoria...
Carla: Hurry! Hurry! Please, hurry!
Monsignor: [v.o.] Angelina Theresa Apollonia
Carla: Oh, rat! Why couldn't my parents have named me Judy?

Woody: Hey, here they come!
Sam: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment we've all been waiting for. Appearing for the first time anywhere, the happy couple, Mr. and Mrs. Eddie LeBec. [drum roll] [cheering and applause]
Woody: That's a keeper.
Sam: Hey, guys, it's your wedding day. Show a little teeth here, all right?
Carla: I can't, Sammy. We were pronounced man and wife at 4:01. We might as well have been pronounced dead. We're doomed.
Sam: Music, music! Aw, come on, you guys. Think about all the wedding gifts you got to open over there.
Carla: Yeah. I guess I should be grateful Eddy didn't fall down the church steps and break his leg. How is it, anyway?
Eddie LeBec: I think I just wrenched it a little.