Sam: You know, the more I think about this, the more I'm looking forward to tonight. I've never had a woman who's just a friend. This will be really good for me.
Diane: Tonight?
Sam: Yeah. Tonight, remember? You're cooking that Oscar Mayer thingy.
Diane: Veal Oscar. Sam, I've had second thoughts about that. Did you know that veal comes from baby cows? If you think I would take part in such a senseless slaughter...
Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Have whatever you want. Open a can of beans. The important thing is getting to know Heather. I think just being friends with a sexy woman like Heather is a big step in my maturity.

Heather: Well, what do you think?
Diane: About what?
Heather: About this dress. I just bought it today. I saw it and had to have it.
Diane: Why did you buy a dress today of all days? You meet everybody at he bar, go out and get a come-get-me dress. Explain yourself.
Heather: I just saw it today.
Diane: Oh, of course. You did what anyone in your position would have done.
Heather: Diane, is everything all right?
Diane: Yes.
Heather: Are you sure?
Diane: Of course. Back to work.
Heather: I sure like Sam.
Diane: Slut.
Heather: What?
Diane: I said thanks a lot.

Sam: Isn't friendship great?
Heather: Yeah. What's that saying about friends and lovers?
Sam: Oh, yeah. Uh, friends and lovers... Don't leave home without them.
Heather: Very funny. You're ticklish. You are. You are. Oh, no. Please, please!
Diane: Dinner time!
Sam: Well, you don't have to shout. We can hear you, you know.
Diane: Of course. Hunger makes me want to shout.

Diane: Hope you didn't have spaghetti for lunch.
Heather: I thought we were having veal Oscar.
Diane: There are remnants in the sauce.
Sam: I thought we weren't gonna do anything with veal.
Diane: Well, this sucker was already dead.

Diane: Stop it right now. I mean it!
Heather: What?
Diane: What? You know what. You know perfectly well what. You think I don't know what's going on? The spaghetti, sauce, bread. Have you no shame?
Sam: Now what the hell's the matter with you?
Diane: I know what that was all about. You think I don't know what noodles mean in sexual lingo? And sauce. I read my Freud.
Heather: Diane, we were just enjoying the meal.
Diane: Oh, don't give me that. That meal's inedible.

Sam: You know something? You're doing the same thing I did this afternoon and you called me nuts.
Heather: No, no, Sam, it's all right. It's not surprising. It's just I'm a very friendly and outgoing person, and sometimes people misinterpret it. I'm just very surprised it came from you, Diane.
Sam: [eating spaghetti] Yeah. Me too.
Diane: Oh, Heather, what am I saying? I must really be paranoid, mustn't l?
Heather: Oh, it's happened to me before. It's happened to everyone.
Diane: Heather... I'm so sorry.
Sam: She didn't mean it, Heather. [eats spaghetti]
Diane: How can you be eating now?
Sam: I've eaten through worse than this.

Sam: Don't worry about the dog. I'll take care of the dog now.
Norm: I'm one step ahead of you, Sammy. Mix a little complimentary cocktail for the mutt. All right.
Coach: I finally got a hold of the owner, Sam, and he said booze calms him right down.
Norm: I just hope the guy's thirsty.
Sam: Be careful.
[Norm safely puts the drink down in Sam's office and retreats. After hearing the dog slurping, he opens the office door again.]
Norm: Oh, look at him. Aw. He's just a big puppy dog. [enters the office] You're a big doggie, yes, you are.
Coach: There's only one problem, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, what?
Coach: The owner said booze makes the dog very amorous.
Sam: Oh, yeah? Right.
Norm: [o.s.] Oh, good boy. Yes. He's a good boy. Hey, whoa, wait. Not that good.