Kelly: By the way, here's another one of those tip things.
Carla: Why, thank you very much, Kelly. [to herself] Boy, she is really dumber than cotton.
Woody: Hey, Carla.
Carla: Hey, Cotton.

Sam: Do you want to watch a little TV? [pants slightly] You know something? That's a good idea. Uncle Sam is a little tired here. Whoo! Good idea, good idea. I don't know how to do this one. Do you know how to- I have a different one at home there. [Sam hands the remote to Frederick] Oh, far out. Thanks. That's great. Oh, great, this is The Flintstones. This is the one where Barney gets stuck in the mailbox. I actually haven't seen this one all the way to the end.

Sam: Boy, women'll break a date with you at the drop of a hat. Like her grandmother won't still be dead tomorrow.

Frasier: Sam, am I to understand that you suddenly have the night free?
Sam: Yeah, you got anything for me?
Frasier: Perhaps. Quite cute.
Sam: Oh, yeah? Cute's nice.
Frasier: And young.
Sam: Oh, I like young. Give me more details.
Frasier: Well, about 32 inches.
Sam: I usually... I like them a little bustier than that.

Sam: Freddie? Uh-oh. Uh... oh, boy. Fred. Hey, listen to me now. Listen to Uncle Sammy. Unlock the door, Freddie. Freddie, turn the knob. You see the knob? See that little knob? Turn the knob, Freddie. [toilet flushes] No, wrong knob, Fred.

Sam: Um, okay, all right. I'll get you out of there. Got to be a key around here. [giggles at the TV] Oh, I know what I'm gonna do, Fred. We'll do the old credit card jimmying the lock open here. I don't have a credit card. I know, here, here, I'll use a $20. This is gonna work. This is gonna work. Yeah, here we go, Freddie. This is gonna work. No, Freddie- Hey, give me my $20 back. [toilet flushes] Fred, no. Don't fl- Oh shoot. You little- I'm in trouble here.

Sam: Here we go. Here comes Uncle Sammy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Burglar-proof. Right. Yeah. Your mommy and daddy told me about that, didn't they? Okay. Hey, Freddie. Whoo! [groans] Damn, damn, damn! You didn't hear that, Freddie. You didn't hear that. [groans] Oh! Damn it! You heard that one, didn't you?

Sam: Hey, Freddie. Uncle Sammy doesn't know what to do here. Can you open this window? Do you know the word "open"? Yeah, yeah, open. Open. Can you open the window? D- Do you know the word "open"? [Frederick opens the bathroom door] Good boy. Bye-bye.

Sam: Hey, Freddie! [knocking on window] Freddie, Uncle Sammy needs some help here, bud. Hey, Fred, do you know about rain? Because that's what's happening out here, Freddie. You know... [sings] Itsy-bitsy spider went up the waterspout... [thunder rumbling] Okay, Fred. Look, back away from the window there, Fred. Uncle Sammy's gonna break the window and every little bone in his hand. Oh! Okay, Fred. Tell you what I'm gonna do here. I'm gonna jump over to that tree and climb on down. I'll be back in just, before you can... Oh! Oh! [crashing]
Frederick: Bye.

Henri: Woody, may I have a soda, please? Stealing your girlfriend is thirsty work.
Woody: All right, Henri, I don't know how things are in France, but in America, guys don't like other guys saying they're gonna steal their girlfriend. It's not polite.
Henri: Oh! I'm, I'm so sorry. l, I see your point. Uh, as we say in France... Je vais te piquer ta copine.
Woody: What does that mean?
Henri: I'm going to steal your girlfriend.
Woody: Wait a minute. You take that back.