Mr. Feeny: Eighteen dollars for socks? Come on, man!
Store owner: They are thermal, they are double layered and they are fully moisture proof.
Mr. Feeny: They are eighteen dollars and they are socks. I'm a teacher, not a heart surgeon.

Alan: One day I hope to open my own business. Then Eric can come work for me.
Eric: Hear that? I'm gonna be responsible for the well-being of this family.
Cory: Bye-bye house.

Cory: You sure there's nothing to worry about?
Shawn: Cory, it's shampoo. They only test it on humans to say they don't test it on animals.

Eric: This weekend the Matthews men are attending the Be Your Own Boss Franchise Opportunity Exposition Extravaganza at the airport Comfort Inn.
Mr. Feeny: Where dreams are born.

Eric: Hey dad, how great is this? I'm going to be working for you.
Amy: I'm glad you feel that way, Eric, because we're going to have to tap into your college fund to pay for this.
Eric: Hey dad, how great is this? You're going to be working for me.

Shawn: And to think you were my only rich friend.
Cory: Comfortable. Never rich.
Shawn: Indoor plumbing? Rich.

Cory: Dad, keep your wallet open. I got pictures, too.
Alan: What grade are you in?
Cory: Eleven.
Alan: We've got enough of you.

Eric: Dad, you can't quit. I can't support this family. I am not a monkey!

Mr. Feeny: So, Mr. Matthews, how does it feel to be back in the old school hall?
Eric: They miss me, don't they?
Mr. Feeny: Oh, yes. We've brought in a crisis counselor to help the students deal with their loss.
Eric: Well, I think that's a great way to begin the healing process. Oh, you weren't serious.
Mr. Feeny: No.

Eric: It wasn't just any job. It was the Gap. I mean, if anybody should be working at the Gap, it's me. I mean, look. I'm Gap, all Gap! Even when I'm in the shower, I'm Gap!
Amy: You didn't put that on your application, did you?
Eric: No. They said I wasn't qualified. I told them a monkey could work there.