TV Quotes

Gob: Zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the first born. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about and I'm taking over.
Michael: You want to be in charge?
Gob: Yeah.
Michael: You want to deal with what I deal with a sister who takes your money and throws it away; a mother who you can't trust; a company whose founder may be on trial for treason- Is that what you want?
Gob: What kind of vacation time does it offer?
Michael: Yeah.

Michael: Gob, shouldn't you be in bed?
Gob: Well, we got a meeting with Dad's attorney today. He's gonna want me to take a lie-detector test to use as evidence in Dad's trial, but, uh, I don't want to. What if they ask about a magic trick? I just I can't risk it.
Michael: They're not gonna ask you anything. They want me to take the polygraph test.
Gob: But I'm the oldest. The matriarch, if you will.
Michael: Sure. I will.

Michael: You're running for office now?
Lindsay: [chuckles] As a matter of fact, I am. I want to be part of the problem.

Narrator: Michael had asked Lindsay to take care of the house, and to his surprise-
Michael: You're sort of doing it.
Narrator: ...she was sort of doing it.
Lindsay: Yeah, check it out. I found that canned ham that we'd had forever, and I put it in a pot of boiling water, and guess what I'm calling it?
Michael: Soup?
Lindsay: Hot ham water.