TV Quotes

Sally: Dennis!
Dennis Rodman: Tom, Sally, Harry. What are you guys doing here?
Tommy: We just had to pick up some duct tape here.
Dennis Rodman: No, I mean on earth.
Sally: Oh. Well, we're doing that thing where we're supposed to be a human family.
Dennis Rodman: I dodged that assignment.
Tommy: Yeah, we've seen you on TV, man. 18 rebounds a game. Don't people suspect anything?
Sally: Look at you. The hair, the tattoos. Like you could be human.
Harry: Yeah.
Dennis Rodman: They think I'm weird or something.
Harry: I hear that.

Evil Dick: And that's not all. Lieutenant?
Sally: Sir!
Evil Dick: From now on, you will wear skirts.
Sally: Skirts?
Evil Dick: Something long that looks pretty when you twirl. And stay away from pleats. You know, nothing too fussy.
Sally: Okay.
Evil Dick: Furthermore, when coupons arrive in the mail, I get first dibs. I may open a box of cereal to get the prize, but I do not then have to eat... the cereal. The bathroom has been stocked with two kinds of toilet paper. I, and I alone... get the quilted kind. You will go to a barber. I will go to a stylist.
Tommy: But wait, wait, wait. We have so much more hair than you do.
Evil Dick: You will never mention that again! Have I made myself clear, Tommy?
All: Yes.

Strudwick: You know, it's funny. I used to bring these creamers home to Alissa. She'd have little tea parties with her stuffed animals. They grow up quick, don't they?
Dick: Yeah. I can remember when Tommy didn't even know how to wipe his own butt. Then he figured it out all on his own. And taught me.

Mary: For future reference, I have a red Volvo.
Dick: [gasps] Please, Dr. Albright! We barely know each other.