Dick Quote #1548

Quote from Dick in Red, White & Dick

Mr. Barnes: I don't think you understand. Um, why don't you take these study materials and just come back when you're ready.
Dick: No, I'm ready now. I've lied on my tax returns, I've been arrested, and I don't vote. I'm a true American. Test me. Test me now.
Mr. Barnes: Okay. Question one: How is the President of the United States elected?
Dick: I know this. He, or she - yeah, right - is chosen on the basis of how physically attractive they are and their definition of adultery. And it doesn't hurt to know Barbra Streisand.

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 ‘Red, White & Dick’ Quotes

Quote from Nina

Mary: I'm sorry. I get a little passionate about this. You know, my family came over on the Mayflower.
Dick: The Mayflower?
Nina: Oh, boy.
Mary: That's right. Neddy Albright was one of the first settlers to come to America on the Mayflower.
Dick: Nina, was your family on the Mayflower?
Nina: No, we came over on a different boat. But I'm sure we hooked up with the Albrights soon after we arrived.

Quote from Tommy

Dick: You know, I had such a great time with Mary today. In the past, there's always been this human-alien barrier. But today, we were just two Americans.
Tommy: You're Canadian.
Dick: What?!
Tommy: Your passport here says you're Canadian.
Harry: Guilty.
Dick: No! How come I'm not American?
Tommy: Well, I thought it would look pretty suspicious if all four members of our family were from the same country.
Dick: I can't argue with that logic. What am I gonna do? How am I gonna tell Mary that's she's sleeping with the enemy?

 Dick Solomon Quotes

Quote from Fear and Loathing in Rutherford

Strudwick: You know, it's funny. I used to bring these creamers home to Alissa. She'd have little tea parties with her stuffed animals. They grow up quick, don't they?
Dick: Yeah. I can remember when Tommy didn't even know how to wipe his own butt. Then he figured it out all on his own. And taught me.

Quote from Brains and Eggs

Mary: For future reference, I have a red Volvo.
Dick: [gasps] Please, Dr. Albright! We barely know each other.