Lawyer #1: Do you believe everything you read in the newspaper?
Dick: Yes! No! I don't know! I don't know what to believe anymore. You tell me what to believe and I'll do it.
Lawyer #1: He's good with me.
Lawyer #2: Me, too.
Judge: Okay, Mr. Solomon, you're seated on the case, the State vs. Chris Foster.
Dick: I'm in? I'm in? I made the cut! I'm on a jury!
Judge: Fine. Fine. Report here tomorrow at 8 a.m.
Dick: 8 a.m. in the morning?!

Dick: Well, if he stole this money, what did he do with it?
Irving: He supported a mistress and her child. We heard that testimony.
Dick: Listen to you. In an age when a man can't even support his family, this man supported two! Send him to jail? Let's send him to congress!

Tommy: Justice is so much simpler where we come from.
Dick: Oh, yeah, you simply hook the suspect to the old truth belt, and if his tube stays purple, he's innocent.
Tommy: If it turns blue, he's guilty.
Dick: Nice and clean.
Harry: Oh, except for those times when it doesn't change all the way, and then you get into those endless arguments about, "Ooh, I think it's magenta."
Tommy: "No, that looks lavender."
Dick: Well, I guess our system isn't perfect either.
Sally: All systems are corrupt.
Dick: [sighs] That's right, sunshine.

Tommy: Dick, something big has happened.
Harry: It's big, I tell ya. Big, I say.
Dick: "You have been summoned to serve as a juror in Ohio State Court, Rutherford, Ohio. Such service is a privilege and a duty."
Nina: Oh, jury duty? Throw it out. And if they call you on it, tell them it was lost in the mail.
Mary: That is why the judicial system is in such a shambles. It's people like you who are too apathetic to show up.
Nina: You threw yours out last year.
Mary: Well, yeah, I'm not about to serve on a jury in the summertime.
Dick: Well, winter, spring, summer, or fall, all they have to do is call and I'll be there. Yes, I will.

Dick: The point is, it's reasonable to assume that Foster used the money to pay for his sick daughter's life-threatening operation.
Foreman: No, it's not.
Claire: He doesn't have a daughter.
Irving: It's not a reasonable doubt if you just make things up.
Dick: Oh, so it's truth you want?
Foreman: Yes.
Dick: You want the truth? You want the truth? Well, I can't handle the truth!

Dick: [answers phone] Hello. Uh, no, you have the wrong number. I'm going to transfer you. But if I lose you, try again. [hangs up]

Bailiff: All right, everybody, listen up. We're about to start the jury selection process. The first case on the docket is a petty theft.
Dick: Mmm... no. I'm looking for something a little more meaty. International software piracy, perhaps, or maybe a triple homicide.
Bailiff: Okay. Just let the judge know when you find something that tickles you.
Dick: Oh, will do. [puts money in the bailiff's pocket] Oh, and, hey thanks.

Lawyer: Sir, have you ever been in an automobile collision?
Dick: Uh, no. But I am a college physics professor, so no matter how sophisticated the analysis gets, uh, I'll follow it.
Lawyer: Thank you. You're excused.
Dick: Excused to prepare for the case?
Judge: No, excused to go sit in the lobby and wait for the next case.
Dick: Excuse me?
Judge: You're excused.
Dick: But I'm a professor. That guy doesn't even have any teeth!

Lawyer: Sir, do you believe everything you read in the newspapers?
Dick: No, of course not.
Lawyer: Thank you. You're excused.

Lawyer: Do you believe everything you read in the newspaper?
Dick: Yes. Every last word. The newspaper is my bible.
Lawyer: Thank you.
Dick: You're welcome.
Lawyer: You're excused.
Dick: Okay, now it's personal.