Mary: I hate that man. I wish there was some way he could be...
Dick: Nicer?
Mary: No, dead.

Harry: Dick? Dick, we have a problem.
Dick: What?
Sally: I killed him.
Dick: Oh, that's just great. Didn't I say best behavior?
Sally: I never meant to kill him.
Dick: Why can't you be like Dr. Albright? She wanted him dead, but did she act on it? No! Because she's a lady.

Dick: Promise me something.
Mary: What?
Dick: Promise me that you'll never do what Dr. Hanlin did at the party.
Mary: Feel up the caterer? I won't.

Dick: I know that it was his final request that I be forthright and honest, but the problem is, I can't seem to find anything good to say about this man, and I've been looking.
Father: You know, Dick, everyone has goodness within them. If you look beneath the surface far enough, I think you're going to discover a basic inner core of goodness that, well, makes us all children of god.
Dick: Well, I guess I'll just have to try to find that in Dr. Hanlin.
Father: Leonard Hanlin? Oh, well, good luck.

Harry: So when they asked me to come to Earth, I thought, "Why not?" I was in a rut, working for the Big Giant Head. You know him.
Dick: [o.s.] Harry!
Harry: Uh, just a minute. [throws a cover on a guy]
Dick: Who were you talking to?
Harry: Nobody.
Dick: [removes cover] Dr. Hanlin.
Sally: How did he get here?
Harry: I gave him a ride.
Dick: This isn't Dr. Hanlin anymore. It's an empty vessel. See, if he were alive, could I do this? [repeatedly slaps Hanlin's face] Could any man alive resist a fresh banana? I rest my case.

Dick: I need to run this eulogy by you.
Mary: Oh, just say whatever you're going to say.
Dick: No, I think I've found a positive angle. "Office space is at a premium on this campus, so you'll be happy to hear-"
Mary: Stop! The man is dead.

Tommy: Dick, when are we going to leave these bodies?
Dick: When we've learned everything there is to know about life.
Harry: Whoa. Good thing we got cable.