TV Quotes

Bill: I told you how he was swerving all over the road.
Dean: It was like watching a drunk turtle.
Lillian: Well, it was worse than that. He had a fender-bender. Left the car and walked home. They called a tow truck, but he couldn't remember where he left it.
Bill: [sighs] I guess it's time.
Lillian: Yeah. Everybody's time comes sooner or later. I know it's hard, but you're doing the right thing, and you're doing it because you love him.
Dean: It's okay, Dad. He'll be in a better place, like Buster.
Adult Dean: I didn't exactly know what they were talking about, but it sounded like when my dog Buster had to go to a big farm in the sky.
Bill: What? Boy, we're talking about stopping your granddad from driving, not putting him down.
Dean: Oh!

Brad: Why isn't there a mall in your neighborhood?
Adult Dean: Oh, you just wait, Brad. One day that mall by your house will be the Black mall.
Dean: It's not fair. The mall's lousy with Catholic girls, and we can't get there.
Brad: Well, you guys should just move closer.
Adult Dean: Brad really needed to watch the news sometimes.

Adult Dean: In Alabama, what most people called "spring break" was called A.E.A. It had something to do with a week-long teachers conference, blah, blah, blah, blah. All we cared about was no school. Lots of my friends went on trips with their families to the mountains or the beach, but I was gonna spend my vacation in my happy place... On the couch, in front of the TV. I planned to eat cereal till my teeth fell out and watch cartoons till my eyeballs fell out. Basically, if something didn't fall out, I failed. [music stops]
Lillian: Get dressed, Dean.
Bill: And pack your suitcase.
Dean: W-What? It's my vacation. I've been looking forward to it for weeks.
Lillian: Change of plans. We're going to visit Grandpa and Grandma's farm.
Dean: We're going to the country?! Why?!
Adult Dean: Contrary to popular belief, there's a difference between growing up in "the South" and growing up in "the Country." I did the former. My mom and dad did the latter. This is how I grew up. [toilet flushes] And this was them. [picture of an outhouse] My groceries. [pack of chicken] Their groceries. [girl surrounded by chickens] My chores. [vacuum cleaner] Their chores. [Black people picking cotton] Okay, that last one may have been over a hundred years ago, but that's how old they seemed to me. My point... We were not the same.

Lillian: And then he told me they were your magazines, and this was supposed to be between the men.
Bill: Oh, so you did hear that part.
Adult Dean: I know I wasn't supposed to do it. I know they're dirty. [sighs] I tried to think about other things, but I couldn't get those pictures out of my head. Stupid sexy Harriet Tubman.