The Office - Jim Quote #32094
[Jim arrives for work wearing glasses, a side-parting hair cut, and a pale yellow shirt:]
Jim: It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question, what kind of bear is best?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought.
Jim: Fact, bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight K. Schrute: Bears do not- What is going on? What are you doing?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Four dollars. And it only cost me $7 to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of $11.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!
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Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow. I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Here's the thing, when a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J.
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Quote from Golden Ticket
Michael Scott: Who's there?
Michael Scott: Dwight, get the door.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not answering the door.
Michael Scott: Answer the door.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's the KGB.
Michael Scott: You get it.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not answering that. You answer it.
Michael Scott: I'm not gonna answer it.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not gonna answer it. It's the KGB!
Jim: [slapping Dwight across the face] The KGB will wait for no one. [Michael laughs]
Dwight K. Schrute: [to camera:] It's true.
Quote from Conflict Resolution
Michael Scott: Okay. So, Dwight, in your own words, "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons.
I suspect Jim Halpert." "Everyone has called me Dwayne all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."
Jim: [aside to camera:] Yes. 5 bucks each and it was totally worth it.
Michael Scott: "This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer." "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." Gag. "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
Jim: [aside to camera:] That actually took a while. I had to put more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight. And then I just took them all out.
Michael Scott: "Every time I typed my name, it said diapers."
Jim: [aside to camera:] Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny, one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
Michael Scott: "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier."
Jim: [aside to camera:] Yeah. I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day, that day.
Quote from Branch Closing
Jim: I worked in Scranton for a really long time. And uh, it's going to be weird that it's all disappearing. I mean, I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.