Mike Quote #1086
Quote from Mike in The Christmas Miracle
Ron: Thanks, Mike. I'm not... at my physical best. They tell me I got hit by a car last week.
Diaper Glossner: Let go of me!
Mike: Where's the snowman? Somebody took it off the roof.
Diaper Glossner: None of your damn business!
Ron: Hey, you little jerk! I saw what you did to Mrs. Claus, and I can't unsee it. Do you respect nothing?! You tell him, Mike. I'm about to throw up Bwine.
Mike: Look, you want to know why I kept putting the snowman back out there? It's not because I need a snowman in my front yard. I'm not that guy. It's 'cause I thought, at some point, you would realize that what you were doing was not right, but you never did. Look, you're not in diapers anymore. Okay, scratch that. The point is, you've gotta figure out what kind of man you're gonna be.
Diaper Glossner: Sorry. I just never had no daddy to tell me right from wrong. I thought maybe you could tell me.
Mike: Well, you can blame your parents all you want, but at some point, it's on you.
Diaper Glossner: But you didn't let me finish. I thought maybe you can tell me, but you can't... 'cause you're a woman!
Ron: Should we go after him?
Mike: No point. But for a kid carrying a full load, he sure can run.
The Middle Quotes
‘The Christmas Miracle’ Quotes
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Well, at least someone has a passion for the holiday. The kids are just so blah.
Mike: So, we start later in the day. Who cares?
Frankie: Don't you get it? Now that they're not little anymore, the magic is gone. Remember when they used to wake us up at 5:00 a.m. and jump on our bed?
Mike: I remember you cursing into your pillow.
Frankie: "Damn it" isn't a real curse.
Mike: You didn't say "damn it." You said...
Frankie: The point is, once you made me get up, I just loved how they couldn't wait to open their presents. And now all they want are gift cards.
Mike: I remember you cursing about having to go out and shop...
Frankie: The holidays are stressful! That doesn't mean you don't like 'em!
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Oh, my God. I could not even come up with a good reason why I go to church. I mean, who am I? Is my whole life a lie?
Mike: Just keep talking about it.
Frankie: Don't... No, don't mock me now, Mike. I'm very upset. I have to talk about this.
Mike: No, I want you to. Your breath is hot. It feels good.
Frankie: No, you don't understand. I'm the mother. I'm supposed to be the spiritual center of the home. Like, while you're out hunting and gathering, I'm supposed to make them righteous. They're not righteous. "Teach your children well." That's from Corinthians.
Mike: That's Crosby, Stills & Nash. Why does it feel like there's sand in the bed?
Frankie: It's gingerbread window crumbs. No, this whole time when I'm supposed to be caring about their spirituality, all I ever prayed for was for the girl I liked the most to be picked on The Bachelor, which is a terrible waste of prayer. By the time it airs, he's already picked her.
Quote from Brick
Brick: What's a Yankee Swap?
Frankie: Oh, it's this really fun party game where everybody brings a present, and then you get to pick one from a pile or steal someone else's.
Brick: Why is it called "Yankee Swap"?
Frankie: I don't know.
Brick: I'm assuming it has something to do with the slave trade.
Frankie: What? No! They would never name a party game after that!
Brick: Depends who "they" is.