Mike Quote #877
Quote from Mike in The Wisdom Teeth
Marlene: Look, you can sweet-talk me all you want, but it was my idea for people to wear a diaper to a sporting event. And if you've got some problem with women in the workplace, I might have to let you go.
Mike: You can't fire me 'cause that's... Wait, what was your idea?
Marlene: I missed three rounds of cage fighting 'cause I was stuck in the bathroom. So I told Rusty next time we should wear diapers to the match.
Mike: That's it? That's all you said? Well, who thought about the putting sports teams' logos on babies' diapers?
Rusty: Oh, that was all me. That was me.
Mike: Are you kidding me? I stayed up all night worrying about this, and all Marlene said was she wanted to wear a diaper to a stupid cage fight?
Marlene: If it wasn't for me, Rusty wouldn't have even been thinking about diapers.
Mike: Maybe, but that's two very different things. And if you like, I can get my wife's third cousin, who's a paralegal, on the phone, and she'd be very happy to explain that to you. Tell you what, Marlene. I'm gonna be very generous with you here. This is $37 and change for you to walk away for good. And that is more profit than you'd ever see from Li'I Rivals.
The Middle Quotes
‘The Wisdom Teeth’ Quotes
Quote from Brick
Brick: Not so fast. Every time you two come home from college, you think you can just breeze in, and everything goes back to the way it was. Well, things have changed. There's a new sheriff in town, and his name is Brick. Now, here's how it's gonna go down. One... I now have first dibs on the bathroom during the peak hours of 7:00 to 9:00. Two... I control the remote, trumped only by Dad. It goes Dad, me, you two... Then Mom. Three... I'm not sitting in the lawn chair at meals anymore.
Sue: Whatever. It doesn't matter. We...
Brick: I believe I was talking. And four... The Dukes of Hazzard beach towel is no longer my bath towel. Mom bought me a real bath towel. You two may now choose between the Dukes and the scratchy one that used to line the bunny's cage. So, that's how it's gonna be from now and hitherto forthwith.
Axl: You're adorable.
Sue: Missed you.
Quote from Rusty
Mike: Okay, that's fine. You charm her, okay? The important thing is that this ends today 'cause we don't want her coming back, not ever.
Rusty: Not ever... wait a minute. You want to kill her?
Mike: No, Rusty. What I'm saying is you used to be married to her, so try to take advantage of whatever creepy spark attracted you in the first place.
Rusty: Oh, I see where you're going with this. You want me to marry her again, take her to the Grand Canyon for our honeymoon.
Mike: No.
Rusty: Pose for a quick photo on the edge, and then oops... Just another selfie gone bad. [chuckles] I like it.
Plus, I've never been to the Grand Canyon, so win-win.
Mike: No, Rusty. We're not gonna murder her.
Rusty: Oh, right, yes. We already all heard you. [chuckles] Not murdering her.
Quote from Rusty
Mike: Okay, paralegal says we got to get her to sign a waiver and release form giving up all claim to the company. So, we got to just reason with her.
Rusty: With her, the trick is to be charming. It's like that prince... What's his name? He's really charming.
Mike: Prince Charming.
Rusty: Prince... Phillip... Prince Phillip.