Sue Quote #599
Quote from Sue in The College Tour
Mike: Sue, you... you want to talk? Or are you doing business in there?
Sue: I put the litter box back in the tub. [sniffles, sighs] So, how do we know Trudy again?
Mike: She's saving us 80 bucks. That's how we know Trudy. So... Something about a tray or something?
Sue: Oh, Dad, it was horrible. Remember when we went to the cafeteria for a snack? Well, I grabbed a tray, and... and the woman said I was in the wrong place and I had the wrong tray, and she just kept asking me, "What's your dining plan?" And I didn't know what to do, so I just dropped the tray and ran.
Mike: So, Ball State is out. That's fine.
Sue: No! Dad, that's not it. Don't you see? How am I gonna do well in college if I can't even master the cafeteria or the tours or ask any questions without creating a racial incident? Maybe I'm not ready to be away from you and Mom. Maybe I'm not ready for college.
Mike: Well, you know... [turns lights out] It'll be better in the morning.
The Middle Quotes
‘The College Tour’ Quotes
Quote from Sue
Sue: Hey, Dad... Why do you think the tour guide gave me all these brochures? There's a Cherokee weaving workshop, and here's one on the headdress exhibit at the art museum.
Mike: Hmm, that's weird. They didn't give that stuff to anybody else?
Sue: Mnh-mnh.
Mike: I don't know. It's not like you're Native American.
Sue: Yes, I am.
Mike: N-no, Sue. You're not.
Sue: Sure, I am. I mean, that's what I put on my forms.
Mike: What? Why did you do that?
Sue: 'Cause I'm a native of America. I'm a native American.
Mike: Sue, now they think you're Native American!
Sue: Right, a native American.
Mike: [sighs] Say, "I'm a native American."
Sue: I'm a native American. Oh! I hear it now. Well, what was I supposed to check? There was no other option that seemed right. It's not like we're "ca-kah-zee-an."
Mike: Actually, Sue, we are.
Sue: What?! Oh, my God, this is horrible! They're gonna think that I tried to pull one over on them, that I lied on my forms, and it says it's a felony to lie on those forms. Oh, my God! I committed a felony! [music box plays] [vomits]
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Axl, have you ever cleaned that bathroom?
Axl: Hey, we're on it. We're flushing every time now.
Frankie: Seriously, if you ever want to have a girl over here, you got to take care of that. Do you even have any cleaning products?
Axl: I don't know. Did you bring cleaning products? [chuckles]
Quote from Sue
Butler Tour Guide: Hi, gang. Welcome to Butler. I can't wait to tell you all about our beautiful campus. [Sue raises her hand] Oh.
Sue: Okay, yes. Hi. I just wanted to say that I am White. All White. So I'm only interested in clubs for White people or art made by only White people. Not native Americans, because I'm definitely not that. So please don't show me anything or talk to me about anything that is not exclusively for White people.
[cut to Mike and Sue in the car:]
Mike: Well, that school was a little out of our price range, anyway.
Sue: I just didn't want people to think that I lied on my application or that I was a liar in any way. I just wanted to make it clear what I was.
Mike: Oh, I think you made it very clear.