Sue Quote #597
Sue: Hey, Dad... Why do you think the tour guide gave me all these brochures? There's a Cherokee weaving workshop, and here's one on the headdress exhibit at the art museum.
Mike: Hmm, that's weird. They didn't give that stuff to anybody else?
Mike: I don't know. It's not like you're Native American.
Sue: Yes, I am.
Mike: N-no, Sue. You're not.
Sue: Sure, I am. I mean, that's what I put on my forms.
Mike: What? Why did you do that?
Sue: 'Cause I'm a native of America. I'm a native American.
Mike: Sue, now they think you're Native American!
Sue: Right, a native American.
Mike: [sighs] Say, "I'm a native American."
Sue: I'm a native American. Oh! I hear it now. Well, what was I supposed to check? There was no other option that seemed right. It's not like we're "ca-kah-zee-an."
Mike: Actually, Sue, we are.
Sue: What?! Oh, my God, this is horrible! They're gonna think that I tried to pull one over on them, that I lied on my forms, and it says it's a felony to lie on those forms. Oh, my God! I committed a felony! [music box plays] [vomits]
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Axl, have you ever cleaned that bathroom?
Axl: Hey, we're on it. We're flushing every time now.
Frankie: Seriously, if you ever want to have a girl over here, you got to take care of that. Do you even have any cleaning products?
Axl: I don't know. Did you bring cleaning products? [chuckles]
Quote from Sue
Butler Tour Guide: Hi, gang. Welcome to Butler. I can't wait to tell you all about our beautiful campus. [Sue raises her hand] Oh.
Sue: Okay, yes. Hi. I just wanted to say that I am White. All White. So I'm only interested in clubs for White people or art made by only White people. Not native Americans, because I'm definitely not that. So please don't show me anything or talk to me about anything that is not exclusively for White people.
[cut to Mike and Sue in the car:]
Mike: Well, that school was a little out of our price range, anyway.
Sue: I just didn't want people to think that I lied on my application or that I was a liar in any way. I just wanted to make it clear what I was.
Mike: Oh, I think you made it very clear.
Quote from Film, Friends and Fruit Pies
Mike: Hang on a sec. Where's all this money coming from?
Sue: Well, I've been using my Spudsy's money, and I popped all the quarters out of my 50 states collector's book, and I've been donating plasma. I'm not exactly sure what plasma is, and I don't know if you need it, but, from the way I've been feeling, I'm guessing you do.
Quote from The Ditch
Frankie: [v.o.] Sue's ditch day wasn't exactly fun yet. But she knew as soon as she intercepted the call from the attendance office, she could really start living. Provided she stayed low to the ground and out of sight.
Sue: [answers phone] Hello?
Woman: This is the Orson High attendance office. May I speak to Frankie Heck, please?
Sue: [British accent] Yes, this is she! [whispers] Why am I British?
Woman: I'm just verifying that Sue Heck is home sick today.
Sue: [British accent] Oh, yes. She is quite sick. Sick as the Dickens, I'm afraid.
Woman: Well, please make sure she brings a note with a parent signature.
Sue: [British accent] A note?
Woman: Yes. It's a requirement anytime a student has been absent.
Sue: [British accent] Very well. A note. I'll add it to my shed-ule. Cheerio!