Sue Quote #597
Quote from Sue in The College Tour
Sue: Hey, Dad... Why do you think the tour guide gave me all these brochures? There's a Cherokee weaving workshop, and here's one on the headdress exhibit at the art museum.
Mike: Hmm, that's weird. They didn't give that stuff to anybody else?
Sue: Mnh-mnh.
Mike: I don't know. It's not like you're Native American.
Sue: Yes, I am.
Mike: N-no, Sue. You're not.
Sue: Sure, I am. I mean, that's what I put on my forms.
Mike: What? Why did you do that?
Sue: 'Cause I'm a native of America. I'm a native American.
Mike: Sue, now they think you're Native American!
Sue: Right, a native American.
Mike: [sighs] Say, "I'm a native American."
Sue: I'm a native American. Oh! I hear it now. Well, what was I supposed to check? There was no other option that seemed right. It's not like we're "ca-kah-zee-an."
Mike: Actually, Sue, we are.
Sue: What?! Oh, my God, this is horrible! They're gonna think that I tried to pull one over on them, that I lied on my forms, and it says it's a felony to lie on those forms. Oh, my God! I committed a felony! [music box plays] [vomits]
The Middle Quotes
‘The College Tour’ Quotes
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Axl, have you ever cleaned that bathroom?
Axl: Hey, we're on it. We're flushing every time now.
Frankie: Seriously, if you ever want to have a girl over here, you got to take care of that. Do you even have any cleaning products?
Axl: I don't know. Did you bring cleaning products? [chuckles]
Quote from Brad
Brad: Now, remember, when it comes to glitter, more is more. A-a-a-nd... Done!
Brick: That's fine, but it still doesn't go.
Brad: With what? Glitter is a neutral. It goes with everything.
Brick: No, I heard it has something to do with rubber bands and tension.
Brad: Okay, well, whenever I have a big job ahead of me, I just imagine the montage of what I would have done to finish it and work backwards. Like, first, we'd flick paint on each other and laugh. Then you'd hand me a hammer to use on the car, but then we reveal that I'm using it to crack walnuts. Then we'd get mad at each other. I'd blow my hair out of my eyes in frustration. [blows] And at some point, we're in front of a mirror, trying on different hats. Finally, we slump to the ground, back-to-back, exhausted after a job well done.
Brick: I'm a dead man.
Quote from Sue
Butler Tour Guide: Hi, gang. Welcome to Butler. I can't wait to tell you all about our beautiful campus. [Sue raises her hand] Oh.
Sue: Okay, yes. Hi. I just wanted to say that I am White. All White. So I'm only interested in clubs for White people or art made by only White people. Not native Americans, because I'm definitely not that. So please don't show me anything or talk to me about anything that is not exclusively for White people.
[cut to Mike and Sue in the car:]
Mike: Well, that school was a little out of our price range, anyway.
Sue: I just didn't want people to think that I lied on my application or that I was a liar in any way. I just wanted to make it clear what I was.
Mike: Oh, I think you made it very clear.