Brick: For years, you've ignored me. You've wandered away when I'm talking. Often when I'm sharing something I feel is important, your eyes glaze over or Axl goes "blah, blah, blah." So now you're finally going to listen to what I have to say.
Mike: We got to get a calendar system.
Brick: I spent a lot of time thinking on how I should kick things off, and I believe I've landed on something that's a real crowd-pleaser. Railroad gauges. You've probably always wondered how we ended up with the 4-feet, 8.5-inch gauge. Well, it all begins with the chariots of imperial Rome...
[later, "Fun with Vowels":]
Brick: You see, I was always curious if there were any words that contained the five vowels "a," "e," "i," "o," and "u" in just that order. Turns out, there are a handful.
[later, "My favorite manuals and catalogues":]
Brick: Item c493l... portable sewing kit...

Frankie: [microwave beeps] Okay, we need something green to go with dinner. Ooh! We can make ice-pack peas. They haven't been in there that long. When was the O.J. chase? You know, we really should buy some fresh vegetables sometimes, just so w... [gasps] Oh, my God. We forgot Brick's birthday.
Mike: What?
Frankie: Brick's birthday... in November! What month are we in now?
Mike: February. [Frankie sighs] Yeah, that's bad. You know, it's been so long, at this point, maybe we should just float it to next year.
Frankie: That's what we did last year. Ugh! We're treating him like a leap-year baby. [gasps] Sue's birthday... that's coming up, too! Oh, seriously, why do we have two birthdays so close together?
Mike: We didn't.

Brick: Question number 18... "What is my favorite part of the movie?"
Sue: The credits! I said "the credits."
Brick: Incorrect.
Axl: The FBI warning!
Brick: That's correct... the FBI warning. What's my favorite smell?
Mike: I skipped that one.
Brick: And the correct answer is...
Axl & Brick: New-book smell.
Axl: Boom!
Brick: I also would have accepted "old book smell."