TV Quotes

Brick: For years, you've ignored me. You've wandered away when I'm talking. Often when I'm sharing something I feel is important, your eyes glaze over or Axl goes "blah, blah, blah." So now you're finally going to listen to what I have to say.
Mike: We got to get a calendar system.
Brick: I spent a lot of time thinking on how I should kick things off, and I believe I've landed on something that's a real crowd-pleaser. Railroad gauges. You've probably always wondered how we ended up with the 4-feet, 8.5-inch gauge. Well, it all begins with the chariots of imperial Rome...
[later, "Fun with Vowels":]
Brick: You see, I was always curious if there were any words that contained the five vowels "a," "e," "i," "o," and "u" in just that order. Turns out, there are a handful.
[later, "My favorite manuals and catalogues":]
Brick: Item c493l... portable sewing kit...

Frankie: [microwave beeps] Okay, we need something green to go with dinner. Ooh! We can make ice-pack peas. They haven't been in there that long. When was the O.J. chase? You know, we really should buy some fresh vegetables sometimes, just so w... [gasps] Oh, my God. We forgot Brick's birthday.
Mike: What?
Frankie: Brick's birthday... in November! What month are we in now?
Mike: February. [Frankie sighs] Yeah, that's bad. You know, it's been so long, at this point, maybe we should just float it to next year.
Frankie: That's what we did last year. Ugh! We're treating him like a leap-year baby. [gasps] Sue's birthday... that's coming up, too! Oh, seriously, why do we have two birthdays so close together?
Mike: We didn't.

Brick: Do we have any details about the cause of Aunt Edie's death?
Mike: Just one. She was 96.
Brick: Interesting. Has anyone questioned Helen Riley? She was the perennial runner-up to Aunt Edie in the church pie contest.

Sue: Okay, so, what do we do? Dad didn't give us enough drywall to fix a hole this big. He's gonna freak out.
Brick: I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be really rough for you.
Sue: Me? You're the one who did this.
Brick: Well, you're the older sister who left her little brother to do major home repair on his own. Besides, if Dad flips out, I can just play the quirk card. I shrug, I look confused, throw in a few whoops and whispers, lick something if I have to... I'm off scot-free.
Sue: Oh, my God. You're diabolical.
Brick: I am not diabolical. [whispers] Diabolical. [normal voice] It's so easy. [whispers] It's so easy. [normal voice] Okay, that one wasn't planned.