Hutch: Damn. I was gonna hit you, but it looked like somebody beat me to it. What's going on? I haven't seen you in days.
Axl: I'm dying here, man. I'm crapping out in my real classes 'cause I'm spending so much time studying for a class I'm not even taking just to hook up with a girl. Now, when I say it out loud, it does actually make sense. I can't keep this up. Kenny, you got to help me, man. You got to help me, Kenny! Kenny!
Hutch: Hey, game over, man. Time to pull the rip cord. You got to come clean with this chick.
Axl: No. It's been so long since I touched a girl, Hutch. I thought when I came to college, it'd be this buffet of women from all around the world... Kentucky, Illinois, Northern Illinois but it isn't, man. It just isn't!
Hutch: Okay!
Axl: [feels pulse] What does a heart attack feel like?

[Nancy honks her car horn outside]
Frankie: Damn it! I let you stay up late to watch Undercover Boss 'cause you said you could handle it. Now, where are your shoes?!
Brick: I was hoping you'd know.

Frankie: [v.o.] Axl was lucky. He only had one person mad at him. I had three.
[Bill honks his car horn outside]
Frankie: Damn it! I let you stay up late to watch the finale of Shark Tank after you promised me you would wake up early! What are you doing?
Brick: I'm jazzing up breakfast with a banana.
Frankie: Oh, no. Breakfast is over. Here. You can have it for lunch.
Mike: Axl says he can't go to the game 'cause he's boning up for some big astronomy test. Did you know he was taking astronomy?
Frankie: Of course I know he's taking astronomy. I'm his mother.