Tag: This one's for my liver. This one here, this is for my foot fungus, and this one thins my blood. No lie, if I get as much as a splinter, I can bleed out faster than you can say Tom Sawyer. [Axl chuckles] Don't get old, Mike.
Mike: Believe me, I'm weighing all my options.

Tag: Hey, guys, what gives?
Axl: He doesn't want to go back in there 'cause he got shot down trying to pick up the hot cashier.
Mike: No, I was trying to teach him how to talk to girls 'cause he was embarrassing himself.
Tag: [chuckles] Axl, Axl, Axl. Listen, if you wanted tips on the ladies, you should have come to the old Tag-eroo. Here's what you do. First you win over her father. Then you buy her a rose every day for two weeks. Trust me, you'll be holding hands in six months.
Axl: Well, Grandpa, that's all really awesome advi-
Tag: Come on, let's go in. I'll be your sidecar.
Mike: Wingman.

Frankie: So, Mom... What's the plan? When are you gonna start cooking tomorrow? Mike's been dreaming about your famous sweet potatoes.
Pat: Oh, don't worry, Mike. You're gonna get your sweet potatoes. This year, I prepared everything ahead of time and I froze it. Made these babies in July. After all, Thanksgiving is about the family, not the food.
Mike: It's a little about the food.