Brick: This book is life-changing. Mom dropped me at the library to find the perfect holiday read, and out of nowhere, it just appeared to me. "The real true behind-the-scenes story of the making of Erich Segal's 1970's classic, Love Story."
Mike: Really? All the books they got in the library, and that's the one you picked?
Brick: Have you read it? It's fascinating. How did I go so long without finding this? It's a Thanksgiving gift, I tell you. A gift.
Mike: You know, the only thing that would have made that better is if strangers were here to see it.

Mike: When was I supposed to know this? I only found out 'cause I went by the house to invite you to Thanksgiving.
Big Mike: Oh, no. You don't want an old man with a broken hip at your Thanksgiving.
Mike: That's true, but my wife does. Please, Dad. Please, please, please come to Thanksgiving.
Big Mike: Oh, I don't want to be a bother.
Mike: It's not a choice, Dad. The nurses say you gotta be discharged tomorrow, and they can't let you go home alone. Don't worry. We got TV and crummy food at our house, too.
Big Mike: You don't exactly roll out the red carpet, do you?

Tag: Hey, guys, what gives?
Axl: He doesn't want to go back in there 'cause he got shot down trying to pick up the hot cashier.
Mike: No, I was trying to teach him how to talk to girls 'cause he was embarrassing himself.
Tag: [chuckles] Axl, Axl, Axl. Listen, if you wanted tips on the ladies, you should have come to the old Tag-eroo. Here's what you do. First you win over her father. Then you buy her a rose every day for two weeks. Trust me, you'll be holding hands in six months.
Axl: Well, Grandpa, that's all really awesome advi-
Tag: Come on, let's go in. I'll be your sidecar.
Mike: Wingman.

Tag: This one's for my liver. This one here, this is for my foot fungus, and this one thins my blood. No lie, if I get as much as a splinter, I can bleed out faster than you can say Tom Sawyer. [Axl chuckles] Don't get old, Mike.
Mike: Believe me, I'm weighing all my options.

Tag: Hey, sleepyhead, it's 7:30. How do you like your Tag-cakes?
Mike: At 9:30.
Tag: I'll bet Axl's hungry.
[Axl grabs the plate and takes it under his blanket, empties it and returns the plate without even sitting up]
Tag: Attaboy. Enjoy 'em. I put three sticks of butter in every batch.