Brick: I'm beginning to feel like a literary character I've recently discovered. You see, there's this boy with a very round head, and he has a dog that sleeps on top of his doghouse. Apparently, he was a World War I fighter pilot. If you can suspend disbelief, it all works.
Sue: You're talking about Charlie Brown.
Brick: Then you've heard of it!
Sue: Everyone has.
Brick: Great. So I'm the last to know. Will the indignities never end? Axl's getting paychecks, you're on a nonstop vacation. Why is it never my turn? What does the universe have against me? [a baby picture of Brick falls off the wall and shatters]
Sue: It's okay, Brick! We can put up another picture of you.
Brick: There is no other picture of me.

Rusty: That's why I gave Beth the necklace.
Mike: Who's Beth?
Rusty: That's your daughter. Beth.
Mike: Her name is Sue.
Rusty: Oh, I thought that was the little one's name.
Mike: He's a boy.
Rusty: Huh. You never heard of a boy named Sue?
Mike: I heard of the song.
Rusty: That's a song?
Mike: Anyway, it was an extravagant gift that came out of nowhere, so...
Rusty: Well, I just thought she should have it. She deserves it. I mean, things are tough enough for her going through life with a boy's name, you know?

Rusty: Ah, there you are.
Mike: Rusty? What are you doing here?
Rusty: Waiting six hours for you to come out.
Mike: Well, why didn't you knock on the front door?
Rusty: Ah, I thought you'd pick up my vibe. Remember how we always had that special brotherly bond where we could read each other's minds?
Mike: No.
Rusty: I knew you were gonna say no. [chuckles]
Mike: So, what are you doing back in town? Last I heard, you were in Tampa.
Rusty: Yeah, see? You got that.
Mike: That's 'cause you told me.

Axl: So, Uncle Rusty, whatcha been up to lately?
Rusty: Oh, I was in Tampa renting out Jet Skis. They weren't my Jet Skis, they were another guy's, so that became a problem. But I got something better I'm working on now.
Mike: Better than stealing another guy's Jet Skis?
Rusty: Well, that remains to be seen. But you guys know what bubble wrap is? Well, I'm making bubble-wrap clothes for old people because they're always falling down, breaking their old bones, but if you wrap 'em real tight with bubble wrap, they're protected. Also, it'll get the grandkids over more because little kids love to pop bubble wrap. [chuckles] Like you, little boy. Do you like to pop bubble wrap?
Brick: I'm 16. I shave. But yes.

Mike: I don't even recognize her anymore. Where's that little girl that used to ask me if I worked for God 'cause I'm so tall I can reach Heaven. That little girl would give me the necklace.
Frankie: Okay. I'm gonna float an idea here. I'm not saying it's true. I'm just gonna spitball. [sighs] Is it possible that [sighs] Maybe you're a little jealous?
Mike: [scoffs] I'm not jealous!
Frankie: W-Well, what, I mean, look... we both know that he made some good money selling the diaper business. It's possible that he bought that necklace. I-I mean, have you even talked to him?
Mike: Why does everyone keep asking me that? I don't have to talk to him. I know him. I grew up with him. I know him better than anybody, and I'm not trying to ruin their moment! I don't care if they have a moment. I have plenty of moments with Sue. Not recently, but you know what's a moment? When the cops knock down the door, yank that necklace from around her neck, and drag Rusty off. That's a moment I would like to see. Maybe I am jealous.

Mike: [on the phone] Hey, Rusty, I need you to get over here as soon as you can. I gotta talk to you about something.
Rusty: [walks up from the basement; on the phone] Sure, just give me the address again.
Mike: What the hell? What are you doing in my basement?
Rusty: Oh. Well, I certainly wasn't taking pictures to put on Zillow.

Mike: How long you here for?
Rusty: Oh, I'm here to stay. Gonna move back in with Dad. You and me can hang out and do stuff together. You wanna go go-karting?
Mike: We're 50.
Rusty: Want to go get colonoscopies?

Frankie: In the meantime, how 'bout a little Undercover Justice before work? Hmm? No. [chuckles] I'm kidding. I have my hard-to-button pants on. I'm not doing those up again.

Sue: Hey, Dad, great news. The necklace goes with almost all my clothes. I have a lot of stuff with hearts on it, and apples, weirdly.
Mike: Yeah. Sue, um... listen, you know Uncle Rusty's history. I'm not... sure what the deal is with that necklace.
Sue: Oh, no, no. It is definitely real. [gasps] Look at my neck, huh? Not green at all.
Mike: Yeah, well, if it's real, that could be a bigger problem. Could be hot.
Sue: "Hot"?
Mike: Hot.
Sue: What do you mean "hot"?
Mike: You don't know that "hot" means "stolen"?
Sue: Well, you don't have to make me feel bad about it.
Mike: I'm not trying to make you feel... Never mind.

Axl: Oh, ho ho! In your face, poor people. Daddy just got paid. And by "Daddy," I mean me, not the tall, beaten-down-looking guy in the flannel shirt.
Mike: Mm. Well, good for you. 50 more years, and you can quit.
Axl: So, Dad, what did you get with your first paycheck?
Mike: Well, I bought this belt. Since you've already got a belt, do the responsible thing and put that in the bank. Right, Frankie?
Frankie: Absolutely. [Mike walks away] Okay, don't listen to him. Listen to me. You know how people say life is too short? Well, it's not. It's too long, and there's no fun in it. So, before you get sucked in to its black hole, take some of that money and buy yourself something nice. It'll be our little secret.
Brick: Uh, I'm in the room.
Axl: Sweet! Just between you and I.
Brick: When I get my first paycheck, I'm gonna pay people to notice me!